Full disclosure: I only made it through about five TRIUMPHANT minutes of the horrifyingly irresistible infomercial for rhinestones you tape to your ass, and powder and yummy tasting sex goo or something, called Tajazzle! If the special effects sparkles and valley girl gym rats don’t get you, the promise of being “dry” (very important!) and “yummy tasting” (SO IMPORTANT) will. No? Then how about the WITCHES’ CURSE these harpies are casting with their cracking voices and over use of the word “delicious”? Fantastic AND delicious! There’s more here, if you’re fucking nuts.

Down with pretty women! Up with GLAMOROUS GODDESSES!

Marjorie Skinner is the Portland Mercury's Managing Editor, author of the weekly Sold Out column chronicling the area's independent fashion and retail industry, and a frequent contributor to the film and...

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