News Sep 28, 2016 at 4:00 am

Stories of sexual assault from the Portland music community


I have a story and a name to add to the list.
As hard as it is to read stories like these, I hope that by talking about it helps them work towards healing. One unexpected realization I came to while reading this is just how much this sounds like fraternity culture. The irony of course is that these same people would be deeply offended at the comparison, however both scenes give these men the inflated sense of self worth and entitlement that leads them to commit such acts.

The part about the blacklist was interesting too, as much as I dislike the name, I guess something has to be done when you see how little the police will do in these situations. I don't particularly care for the term "blacklist" and given my previously mentioned realization I'd like propose a new name for it. I hereby submit the idea of establishing a new fraternal order of Mu Epsilon Tau Lambda (METL) in which new members are involuntarily submitted. Finally, I'd like to recommend BlahBlahBlah1111 to become it's first member based on their post above.
Consent is explicitly denied if someone is incapacitated.…
Hey Mercury, are you gonna do anything about this hack rape apologist/victim-blaming troll up in your comments section?
Of course they aren't gonna do anything, have you seen the stuff the let up in I/A, and the comment sections there? What do you expect them to do exactly? It's a news website posting a story that is compiled of first hand testimonials that do not seem to have any journalistic corroboration. They asked people to send in their stories, and they chose the ones they felt would best fit their need for the piece (And if I'm not mistaken I've read these same testimonials attached to other stories at some point somewhere), or the ones that sounded most reliable, I can guarantee they turned down some because they either didn't fit the narrative they required, or didn't seem believable.

I believe people are raped, disproportionately women, and that it is a serious issue that should be handled, but I'll stop questioning aspects I find to be questionable when people stop having the propensity to be dishonest, use mental illness as a reasoning to take no personal accountability, and use 'I don't know what happened' as a definitive. I'm happy to take a victims word at face value most the time, but not every time just because. Unfortunately I've seen as an observer individuals who have emotional, and mental issues in dealing with their sexuality, and personal accountability by choosing to take a narrative that better suits the role of the victim, when their really wasn't any reliable evidence to make that true. Doesn't make them bad people, but it sure as hell doesn't make them a victim without question.

You want a witch hunt which will eventually get someone innocent caught in that bullshit, while some ask for more then just someones word at times.

@BlahBlahBlah1111 - How kind of you to offer your observations, clearly you have qualifications to weight in on the subject. Oh wait, what are your qualifications? Have you ever been a victim of sexual assault? A purpetrator perhaps? Are you a member of law enforcement? Perhaps you're an attorney who has handled multiple sexual assault cases? Please humor us with your vast expertise on the subject, from the safety of your armchair. Or maybe just shut your mouth next time.
It's hard to argue with BlahBlahBlah's logic and I don't mean that in the agreeable sense. This piece has obviously touched a nerve with them and you can't help wonder if they too are on the "blacklist" mentioned. It sure seems like this goat felcher is well overdue for some paddling though. Please let us in on your secret (handshake) Blah...
I'll never keep my mouth shut, and yes I am a victim of sexual assault thank you for asking! Are you any of those things? What is your expertise? My logic is the counter balance to your pitch forks, and fire to people I've seen take an unearned hit at their lives by black lists. Not to mention anyone who says different then you is obviously a rapist, I mean duh, that's how you know! Also I prefer the company of other men, and don't put down felchers they are some of the nicest people I've ever met! Can't say the same for goat feltchers. See the secret handshake is objective conversation on a happening between adults, there are plenty of us who when people like you are not around enjoy talking about the insanity that can happen with mob mentality of social media. We also hate rapists just like you, and have friends we've happily supported through traumas, but some of us understand that perception, and nuances of life aren't just two options of is, and isn't a thing. I merely agreed that one story was indeed hard to believe, as many of their friends, and law enforcement agree to, as they agree that they could not say exactly what happened, yet they knew it to be definitive somehow. This is a problem for me if asked to believe without question. So how about you stop telling people how to express themselves, question, or have an opinion as is the status quo for the mob mentality, "I'm right you're wrong! Shut up, or you're a rapist too!"
Mr. BlahBlah ~ Perhaps you are unaware of the psychology of trauma & its aftermath, but one of the potential effects is loss of memory. The traumatic event can present itself in terrifying clarity, it can be disjointed & fragmented, or it can be completely blacked out, regardless of whether one has been consuming alcohol or not.
i mention this because, while i do believe that some of the points that you bring up are valid ( although poorly & rather cruelly expressed) & do need to be a part of a very serious conversation that has become utterly polarizing and black & white, it seems that you would benefit from a fuller understanding of trauma. First & foremost in that understanding would be compassion, which you seem to be lacking. You could have made your points in a reasoned & objective way, rather than attacking the credibility of a rape victim. Whether or not you believe them to be is of no consequence ~ it is their reality, their experience & it is not for you to question or attack them personally. Raise your points, & as i said i do believe that some of them are valid & need to be a part of the bigger conversation, but please do so with objectivity, not personal attacks. This is a deeply painful & divisive issue ~ let's all try to be a part of reaching a place of understanding.
And that goes for those who wish to ban people for expressing views, albeit poorly, that do not fit their personal narrative. We are all affected by this, & we all need to be a part of the conversation. Rape is fucking ugly. The conversation around it is not going to be pretty! But we can all try our best to be our higher selves & to not hurt those that have already been wounded or to shut down dialogue with those we disagree with.


Just to add on to kalikill7's spot on response to your dribble. I'm sorry to hear that you too are a victim of sexual abuse. I would never wish that upon anyone, not even goats. Please leave the goats alone and feel free to feltch anyone you want to as long as it's consensual and they are of age.

However, I have to admit that part of me wants to not believe that you're a victim in the same way that you're refusing to believe the testimony in this article. Are you blaming yourself for your victimization the same way you're blaming them?

Furthermore, I think you miss the entire point of this article and fail to recognize it's intention:

- At no point were names named, so no one is being accused outright.

- At no point is there ever mention of legal accusations being made or charges being filed.

- No one ever accused you of being a rapist, of course I speculated whether or not you are on the "blacklist" given your outlandish responses, but as the article stated the list includes other people that are generally just mean and/or creeps.

- Lastly, the entire point of the article was to raise awareness that this sort of behavior exists in other social groups other than just on college campuses, the military, or sports culture that we typically hear about.

It's beyond me how someone who claims to be a victim themselves can express the views you hold. I hope that you can find a way to gain a better perspective in the future.
Yea, see the main problem with everything you have to say zipitup is that you think your opinion is a better perspective, when in fact that just isn't the case. Thanks for doubting my sexual assault, well done! You are definitely towing the party line, of course you'd suspect me of being a rapist, mean, or a creep because my opinion is different, you have no other way of coming to conclusions, I'm glad you live in a secluded circle of friends that hold your biased opinions up. I think you missed the point which is that people have the right, and very well should question if they find the need to. Just cause an individual such as myself experienced a sexual assault doesn't mean I suddenly lost my ability to have reason, objectivity, and believe that a person can be more, or less than a rapist beyond the word of one person, so good luck with the witch hunt, but I'm always gonna be glad that people take the time to question, I fear a world where we cease to.
@kali, I'm gonna make one point that I do feel is very valid, if an individual chooses to have a rape kit, and go to the police, so be it, more power to them, but that alone is enough for us to question them especially if the narrative is one that cannot be clearly established by the victims own recognition. You said it yourself the conversation isn't gonna be pretty so why give me shit for being cruel? Did you not just admit that such a conversation will indeed be ugly, and put people against one another as one person cries rape at perhaps their good friend who you don't believe to be that kind of person. I'd never say that the majority are lying, cause it just isn't the case, nor would I say that they didn't experience a trauma, but to 100% all the time say that it was a rape, because they said so will never happen for me, and many other people who value their own freedom from those who can just decide when a sexual encounter is a rape, especially when the said victim cannot even say what happened. Their has to be some accountability, how do you expect people that aren't unquestioning rape victim advocates that have male friends, brothers, sons, etc. to just take a rape accusation at face value when the victim can't even give evidence, nor their own friends believe them? There has to be time when questioning is necessary.
i can understand his perspective. This is because i have experienced & witnessed pretty much every aspect of rape, from all sides, that a person can. i know exactly what he is talking about. It's a side of this that no one wants to talk about, but it is very real.
What i gathered from what he had to say was that he does have personal experience with this untold, dark side that no one wants to hear about or acknowledge & he has a lot of anger & bitterness. He just projectile vomited it all over someone who has nothing to do with his own experience. Not fucking cool. Apparently, dude also forgot that the people whose stories are told in this article, are also reading these comments.
So, this isn't his or his friends story. Hence, he has no place taking his anger out on this person whose story he does not know ~ on any level.
What sucks about people like him is that they are the only ones who will bring these issues up, but they immediately discredit themselves with their own vitriol. And their points get lost in petty personality attacks. We all stop listening.
( i am really hoping that he doesn't actually know the person he was criticizing. It did sound like that, quite a bit.)
I don't know the person at all, guarantee that. Also come on lets state the obvious they chose to give these stories to a news out let so drop the faux rage over getting commented on when you put your laundry out to dry. Lol, thanks of the psychoanalysis I'm sure you are a licensed professional, it's great to see another arm chair professional comment after calling the kettle black. Lol, and don't call me dude, jeez, how quickly you assume to break the respects you so hardily fight for in this community when someone doesn't see your point of view, the hypocrisy is what makes it so easy for many to discount you.
I gotta say your level of certitude, and assumptions as to my relation to a publicly made news post is bonkers, it really blows my mind that you live in this world where you are always having "feelings", or "hopes" of things you have no evidence for, yet happily speak of as if they are definitive. Seriously, does anyone take you seriously, or do you just surround yourself with yes people to tell you everything you think is always right, and you can never ever be wrong with what you think of others. It is so hard not to think of your word as an utter joke.
You are a fellow drinker, aren't you?
i'm going to give this to you in parts...
Mr. Blah ~ i have experienced many things. i have been torn to shreds by the "community" for privately confronting a man who raped me. He did what one of the men in this article did ~ he took control of the narrative. He was afraid that i would speak out, so he did so first. Calling me crazy & himself a feminist & lover of women. i was physically threatened, called a lunatic & a whore online by people who had never met me. i had been given ghb & left for dead in an alley. Dead & pregnant, i might add. The aftermath of confronting him, almost 20 years later, left me incapable of leaving my house. i was terrified to go out in Portland. Feminist friends of his had threatened to beat me up if they ever saw me, because he was such a great guy who could NEVER do this ( even though the ghb had only been mentioned, not the rape. He had drugged several other girls in Portland clubs at that time). It was one of the most painful & crazy-making things i have ever endured. And it is exactly why women do NOT come forward. At least what he did to me was private.
He wasn't the first or the last to rape me, but he was the only one that i have ever confronted. The first, the last & the only one.
i ALWAYS say Dude! To my Mother, myself in the mirror, my racist neighbor, my beszt of friends.
So, here's another aspect to this story ~
i had written a very bad story, but i deleted it. i was afraid of the PC police. So, i will tell a much milder one.
My son, who is now 24, was accused of rape.
At the time, he was 19 & the girl was 26-28.
They had known each other since he was a young lad.
They hung out one night. She bought a bunch of booze. She drove him around in her car.
At one point, while they were drunk, she leaned in to kiss him, whilst running her hand up his leg. she said " There's more of that where this came from". He thinks she's hot & totally kisses her back. She's the older sister of one of his best friends! Haven't we all been there?
She drives him back to her place, & making out doesn't happen. He feels weird & uncomfortable & asks to go to bed. She says let's drink more, keeps him on the couch & tries to make out with him. He gets up & leaves.
One week later he is accused of rape. She was drunk & he took advantage of that to KISS her. Kissing is now rape.
And can we please ask ourselves, who took advantage of whom? It is never black & white.
Her accusations of rape ( she didn't ever specify that it was just a kiss) ended his marriage & sent him into a years long suicidal depression. His wife did what everyone does ~ believes without thought. It's why people vote for gump. SHE got him drunk, SHE kissed him.
As i said, this is a mild story. i have much, much worse.
But, my son's life was wrecked because a hot older friend got him drunk & kissed him ~ that turned into rape. Because somehow, she was not capable of making her own decisions, but he was. She, in her drunkenness, was not responsible for getting him drunk, coming onto him, kissing him ~ somehow, that all lies in his lap. i have read their fb messages. Her apologizing to him. Freaking out about what she did. Saying that she's so sorry, a year after she played her part in ending the marriage.
All that i'm saying, & i am saying it blatantly, honestly & openly, is that our human stories change with our perspective. We are all cruel & loving, victim & monster, flower & death.
Who here thinks that a kiss is rape? How do we define rape now? i will say that he doesn't think that her kissing him when he w
"You said it yourself the conversation isn't gonna be pretty so why give me shit for being cruel?"
Cruelty is a choice, though. And it is quite different from brutal honesty.
No one said that any of us wouldn't be given shit for the ugly tales we tell. All that i was saying was, try to have some civility, here.
Stop for one second & try to think about who you're talking to or about, online.
It's going to be ugly, but that doesn't mean that we have to be cruel. Right?
Thank you for this piece. It is so necessary. thank you portland mercury for having the balls to write what I haven't seen any other media outlet write
I'm bewildered that the first third of your cover story about rape is a story about a mutually consensual sex act.

If you take believing survivors seriously at all, you will believe them when they say the act is consensual. Full stop.

Yes, the source of that statement in this case is from a biased third party, but a lawyer would probably not fabricate evidence outright. Your only other source is also a biased third party, who has never even met the survivor, much less asked if she was raped.

Ironically, as I write this, a woman in the Portland music community is being terrorized by a male acquaintance who claims she's being abused by her boyfriend and is telling everyone she knows. This behavior is ALSO abuse. While I believe Magid's ex is acting in good faith, you're encouraging abuse with this article.

You have sabotaged the courage and hard work of your sources with your own confusion about what sexual assault is and who gets to decide that. Educate yourself, please, before you publish one more word on this subject.

Please wait...

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