Whenever asked to write about gender empowerment, I think, “Easy! I’m a queer, nonbinary womxn. Obviously, I’m the foremost expert on contemporary gender theory.” Then I remember that I don’t know shit about shit. I, like every other person you know, have a reasonable grasp of my own gender, but everyone else’s is their own bag of self-definition. Neither I nor anyone else can give you a definitive answer for what “gender” even means.
So, how can I tell you how to feel empowered about something I can’t even define or explain?
A: By disempowering bigots and well-meaning (though ill-informed) allies who are still walking around deluded, believing they know shit about shit that isn’t even about them.
Like I said, I’m no expert on anything and can’t tell you what “gender” is, much less what your gender is, or how to define, explore, or celebrate it. What I can do is offer up a list of what it isn’t.
1) Gender is NOT genitals, chromosomes, or hormones.
It’s 2020 and anything I say on this topic will sound cliché, since it’s already been said a million times a day on every social media platform. I could cite over 17 distinct intersex conditions as a proof, but at this point in history, let’s all just grow up and accept that genitals don’t say much.
2) Gender is NOT fuckability.
If I had a bullet for every person who ever told me, “I still see you as a man” or some equally dismissive statement that ultimately breaks down to “I don’t want to fuck you, so I refuse to identify you with any gender I might want to,” the nation would be riddled with dead fuck boys. Listen, bro, your dick is no divining rod.
3) Gender is NOT who you fuck.
If you’ve ever left your Christian Fundamentalist family compound in the hills of South Dakota (wait… are there even hills in South Dakota?), you’ve met asexual, demisexual, gay, queer, bisexual, and heterosexual people of every gender there is.
4) Gender is NOT a degree.
Despite the frequent assertion of conservative baby boomers, no cisgender person has ever read a book or attended a class that was persuasive enough to turn them trans. Not only can higher education not make you trans, but it certainly can’t make you an expert on the lived experiences of those who don’t have Gender Studies degrees.
5) Gender is NOT an ethnicity or tax bracket.
Lizzo’s a millionaire and Marisol, the transfeminine budtender at your favorite dispo, is broke AF. Both are women, and both think your reductive assertion that gender diversity is some “rich white people shit” negates any respect you think you deserve.
6) Gender is NOT masculine or feminine.
There are masculine women, feminine men, and genderqueer folx who not only blur the line, but erase it.
7) Gender is NOT a societal role.
There are plenty of hyperfeminine, cisgender, heterosexual women who starred on their cheer and dance teams and have no desire to get pregnant or deal with children, and plenty of hypermasculine, cishet dudes who secretly wish they could. Turns out, different people want and enjoy different things regardless of their gender.
8) Gender is NOT a fad.
And if you think it is, just STFU and get out of the way. The future is almost here.
Gender is a social construct and concept that is subjective and highly personal. I think the author of this article and most of us can agree on that. Yeah? Maybe? Why does the Mercury feel that it’s productive or helpful to publish an article from a position of authority that creates new rules and definitions and standards about how we should now view our own gender identity? This seems to really run counter to the idea of gender as something personal, fluid and self defined. Anyway…just a thought!
@esmo I personally did not feel D Martin’s article was trying to be authoritative, considering the disclaimer. They made some good points, and while I disagree on some, I agree that gender philosophy is a political terrain and needs to be argued upon. Where are you coming from, @esmo? I’m only curious – as someone who is in love with the ‘cosmic’ masculine-femine dichotomy, I feel fine identifying with as ‘cis.’
What do you see when you look at a sunflower? Is what you see the same as what I see? How do I know that I see the color blue the same as you? Does it matter?
Gender dysphoria is similar to experiencing something but knowing your experience is different from other people. Gender euphoria can be described as experiencing something that most people can’t imagine.
There are those of us in the trans community that can pass, and some of us don’t pass. It’s fair to say when people encounter those of us who pass, it’s a non issue.
I’d like to address the following to those who aren’t trans, or know of someone trans in your circle of humanity. When you encounter someone who doesn’t pass you can magnify our dysphoria by staring, or making rude comments (even when you think we don’t hear), or you can magnify our euphoria by accepting who we present ourselves to be.
Van Gough saw sunflowers differently than any other person alive, and he was able to convey his vision through his art, allowing others to see that there is more to a sunflower than a casual glance can capture. Gender Euphoria is like a masterpiece. Experiencing it is special. Decide what you want to add to this world, more dysphoria or more euphoria. Adding to one person’s happiness makes the whole world a better place because moods are as contagious as a virus.
“(wait… are there even hills in South Dakota?)”
The Black Hills.
Not trying to be negative, I just went there once as a kid. From Oregon. In a car. It was… a long trip.