College life is hard enough without floundering around your new town like a drunken fish in a frying pan. That’s why your surrogate parents here at the Mercury are happy to supply you with an abbreviated list of places and things you’ll need to make your stay with us a happy one.

AMUSEMENT

· Wunderland at the Avalon (Nickel arcade, old and new games, all
5¢, $2.25 entry.)

3451 SE Belmont, 238-1617

· Ground Kontrol Retrocade (Joust, Galaga, Ms. Pac Man. Mon-Thurs: 11-10, Fri: 11-12, Sat-Sun: 12-10. All games 25¢, “Just like the ’80s!”)

610 SW 12th, 796-9364

or 3409 SE Hawthorne, 235-3729

· Hollywood Bowl (Mon-Thurs, $1 games after 9 pm.)

4030 NE Halsey, 288-9237

· Oaks Amusement Park (Thrill rides, rollerskating, old-school amusement park with a real wild-west show! )

At the end of SE Spokane at the Willamette River, 236-5722

ALL AGES VENUES

· Meow Meow

527 SE Pine, 230-2111

· Crystal Ballroom (The floor bounces! Wheeeee!)

1332 W Burnside, 225-0047 x239

· Paris Theatre

6 SW 3rd Ave, 224-8313

· Ethos, Inc.

2 N Killingsworth, 241-8824

CHEAP CINEMAS

· Clinton St. Theatre (Featuring weird and wild short films! $4-6.)

2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899

· Laurelhurst Theatre ($2 movies, $4 for a pint and a slice.)

2735 E Burnside, 232-5511

· Hollywood Theatre ($3.50, $2 on Mondays. It may look fancy, but it’s cheap!)

4122 NE Sandy, 281-4215

www.hollywoodtheatre.org

ALTERNATIVE VIDEO STORES

· Movie Madness (If you don’t mind being bumped into 100 times, you can find some great, obscure movies.)

4320 SE Belmont, 234-4363

· Videorama (A staff who really knows what they’re talking about!)

2940 NE Alberta, 288-4067

· Clinton St Video

2501 SE Clinton St, 236-9030

GROCERY STORES

· Daily Grind (With the Urban Onion vegetarian cafeteria.)

4026 SE Hawthorne, 233-5521

· People’s Food Co-op

3029 SE 21st, 232-9051

· Food Front

222-5658, 2375 NW Thurman

· Limbo (True, it’s not vegetarian…but hey! They sell vegetables don’t they??)

4707 SE 39th (next to Trader Joe’s), 774-8008

VEGETARIAN RESTAURANTS

· Paradox Palace Cafe (Inexpensive, grungy, mostly vegan.)

3439 SE Belmont, 232-7508

· Counter Culture (Creative, rotating menu, mid-range prices.)

3000 NE Killingsworth, 249-3799

· Vita Cafe (Worthwhile vegan food that really doesn’t taste like raw oatmeal.)

3024 NE Alberta, 335-8233


MEAT

· Ringside Steakhouse (Steak, potato, broccoli…grunt.)

2165 W Burnside, 223-1513

· Acropolis (Steaks and strippers–no shit!)

8325 SE McLoughlin, 231-9611


MONKEYS

· Oregon Zoo (It’s like jail…except for animals.)

4001 SW Canyon Rd, 226-1561

· 3 Monkeys (Monkey-inspired novelty items)

803 NW 23rd, 222-9894

STRIP CLUBS

· Magic Gardens (Where strippers have been seen dancing to The Who’s “Seeker.”)

217 NW 4th, 224-8472

· Darcelles XV (Female impersonators and late, straight, male strip show.)

208 NW 3rd, 222-5338

· Mary’s Club (Naked babes… purrrr.)

129 SW Broadway, 227-3023

· Silverado (Men in g-strings… yeehaw!)

1217 SW Stark, 224-4493


CLUBS

· Mensa of Oregon (Think you’re pretty smart, don’t ya?)

www.mensa.org, 227-7173

· Restful Haven Nudist Club (It’s restful, it’s naked, it’s a
haven…who can pass that up?)

PO Box 248, North Plains, 647-2449

KEGS

· Portland Brewing Co.

2730 NW 31st, 226-7623

· Widmer

929 N Russell, 281-BIER

· Miller Beer (Cash necessary)

Columbia Distributing Co.

6840 N Cutter Circle, 289-9600

FAVORITE HAPPY HOURS

· Angelo’s (Monday nights, 75¢ Olympia stubbies.)

4620 SE Hawthorne, 231-0337

· The Rabbit Hole (Tuesday nights, 50¢ pints of Pabst and karaoke.)

203 SE Grand, 231-2925

· Sweetwater’s Jam House ($2 well drinks every night from 10 pm-2 am.)

3350 SE Morrison, 233-0333


DRUGS

• Apollo Chemical Co. (Set up your own meth lab in the dorm!)

6647 NE 47th, 249-8455

• American Agriculture (Hydroponics equipment and supplies. Need we say more?)

9220 SE Stark, 256-2400

• Down by the River (Take a nice stroll…who knows what you’ll find?)

Waterfront Park, South of the Burnside Bridge

• Walgreen’s (24 hours–but you have to have a prescription. Boooo!)

940 SE 39th & Belmont, 238-5975

ALL NIGHT EATS

• The Roxy (Smoky, goth, diner grub.)

1121 SW Stark, 223-9160

• La Casita Taqueria (24 horas, Jueves-Sábado, and their fish tacos rock!)

436 E Burnside, 234-8894

• Montage (Open until 4 am, featuring mac ‘n’ cheese and gumbo.)

301 SE Morrison, 234-1324

“PERSONAL” PROBLEMS

· Westover Heights Clinic

2330 NW Flanders, 226-6678

· Laurelhurst Women’s Clinic

5050 NE Hoyt, 231-0407

· Planned Parenthood

3231 SE 50th, 775-0861

or 4326 NE Killingsworth, 288-8826

PIZZA DELIVERY

· Pizza Luna (Foofy, but not bad.)

1708 NE Broadway, 335-3059

or West Hills QFC Shopping Center

7535 SW Barnes, 292-3500

· Oasis Cafe (Well, they deliver.)

3701 SE Hawthorne, 231-0901

BREAKFAST JOINTS

· Juniors Cafe (Good luck getting a table.)

1742 SE 12th, 235-5474

· The Cricket Cafe (Underrated. Just as good as the rest of ’em, but no wait.)

3159 SE Belmont, 235-9348

· La Patisserie (Cozy in winter.)

208 NW Couch, 248-9898

· Milo’s City Cafe (Kind of yuppie, but kickass eggs benedict.)

1325 NE Broadway, 288-6456

$$ FAST AND EASY $$

· Alpha Plasma Center ($115 in four visits and you get to spin the “Plasma Wheel of Fortune.”)

2705 SE Ankeny, 231-1950

or 11 NW 5th, 224-1227

· Smoke Pot–Get Paid (“It’s like a paid vacation!”)

Just volunteer to be tested, and you can make thousands! Lots of artists and deadbeats do it.

727-5460 www.confidentialreport.com

FURNISHING BODY AND HOUSE

· Buffalo Exchange Ltd. (Trade in your old crap for some new [old]
crap.)

1420 SE 37th, 234-1302

· Nordstrom Rack (Designer labels at cheap-skate prices.)

401 SW Morrison, 299-1815

· Red Light Clothing Exchange (Cool vintage wear.)

3590 SW Hawthorne, 963-8888

· Magpie (Retro, retro, retro!)

520 SW 9th, 220-0920

· Goodwill (Cheap furniture, household items…why shop at the Pottery Barn?)

1943 SE 6th, 238-6165

or 2215 W Burnside, 224-3084

· Thrift World

2330 SE 182nd, 667-7950

BOOKSTORES

· Reading Frenzy (Zines, independent publications.)

921 SW Oak, 274-1449

· Laughing Horse Books (Political.)

3652 SE Division, 236-2893

· Powell’s Books

General info: 228-4651

1005 W Burnside

or 3723 SE Hawthorne

RELIGIOUS SECTS

· Baha’I Faith (Founded in Persia in the mid-19th century, post-messianic.)

PO Box 255 Beaverton, 646-1652

· International Christian Leprosy Mission, Inc. (Could we have a little compassion here, please?)

PO Box 23353, Portland, 244-5935

· Humanists of Greater Portland (Humanists my ass! They’re stinking, Commie Athiests… we’re only kidding about the Commie part.)

222-5531

PO Box 3936, Portland 97208

· Church of Elvis (Now, we’re not saying he’s alive but….)

720 SW Ankeny, 226-3671

MUSIC STORES

· Jackpot Records (Good indie, punk, new and used. Will buy from you!)

3736 SE Hawthorne, 239-7561

· Everyday Music (New and used, open till midnight.) Rock/Pop/R&B 274-0961

Jazz and Classical

1313 W Burnside, 274-1700

or 1931 NE Sandy, 239-7610

· Ozone Records (The best independent record resource in the Pacific Northwest)

1036 W Burnside, 227-1975

· Platinum Records (Good hip-hop, reggae, R&B.)

104 SW 2nd, 222-9166

WINGS AND WHEELS

· Radio Cab Co. 227-1212

· Broadway Cab Inc. 227-1234

· Tri-Met 238-RIDE

· Greyhound Bus Lines 800-231-2222

Evergreen Stage Line, 285-9845

· Council Travel (Student travel agency, sponsors work-abroad programs.)

1430 SW Park, 228-1900

· Consolidator Network Inc. (Eight stop-overs and you have to leave at 2 am, but dang, it’s cheap!)

674-6867

· Amtrak

800 NW 6th, 241-1187