HERE’S THE THING about Portland newcomers: You just don’t stop coming! Even after you read all the snide national stories about how Portland is too expensive, traffic-clogged, and filled with bedbugs, knife-wielding murderers, and angry hornets that attack newcomers in swarms. (We might have written that last story and it might not be true.) That being said… WELCOME TO PORTLAND. If you read all those stories and still decided to move here? That must mean you really give a shit about living here, which means your intention is to make our city even better than before.
And we’re here to help! Our main objective at the Mercury is to keep you informed, and show you a good time. Within our pages and website, you’ll find the best, most informative entertainment calendar in Portland, the most knowledgeable (and fair) critics, and a news team that actually gives a shit about people and keeping our local government honest.
So that’s what you can expect every week. But THIS week, we’re once again devoting ourselves to YOU—with our annual “Newcomers’ Guide to Portland.” In it, you’ll find out how to ride public transportation, grocery shop, smoke dope, trick people into letting you live with them, dress fashionably, watch bands, and ride our new bike-share system, as well as discover where to find Portland’s best new restaurants, theater venues, beer joints, and even where to find people of color (like yourself, WHO WE ESPECIALLY WELCOME, YAY, NEVER LEAVE!).
Oh, there’s lots of other advice, too—so dig in and get to know the city we love. We bet you’ll learn to love it, too.
Yo you forgot one MAJOR thing! (and welcome to all the newbies from a 5th generation Portlander)– learn about how Portland became Portland! Learn about the history, from when Oregon was founded as a racist haven for white people, to the activists who stopped Division (that we all know and love) from becoming a major freeway, to the many tribes that are still very much alive and active, to the people who made sure that the beach would be free and open to everyone.
There are a lot of people who have worked (and are working now) to make Portland a great place to live, work, and raise a family if you are so inclined – many of those people are just like you and came from somewhere else, but they took time to learn about this place. Drive your BMW SUV every single day if you must, but please take the time to learn about the city that you presumably moved to because it’s awesome. We’ve got our problems just like everyone else, but we’re rad because people give a shit about what it means to live here.
P.S. But actually don’t drive your BMW SUV everywhere. Please get rid of your BMW SUV.
I thought this article was pretty dumbassed. Not sure what else to say. Dumbassed.