SORRY, COWS. We knew this was coming. And yet: We did nothing to stop it.

Indeed, those of us at the Portland Mercury did everything we could to make it happen. Because, since time immemorial, the Portland Mercury’s Burger Week has served as one of humankind’s greatest accomplishments: A week in which our city’s finest bars and restaurants bring Portlanders the finest food ever created. This year, a whopping 35 of Portland’s most beloved restaurants are part of Burger Week—with each offering a special, one-of-a-kind, $5 burger you can’t get anywhere else! (For real: We know imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but we also know that if a restaurant is claiming to be part of Burger Week but isn’t listed here, well... they aren’t part of Burger Week. Also, their burgers are probably made of rat meat.)

So prepare yourself for Burger Week, Portland—and read on for the Mercury’s take on each of Burger Week 2016’s unmissable burgers! But first, keep a few things in mind:

Burgers are not infinite. This is sad, but true. Lots of people love Burger Week, and occasionally, locations will run out of burgers. If they do? Just come back the next day! It’ll be cool.

There’ll be waits. See above, re: lots of people. Stuck in a Burger Week line? Know that your fellow line-standers are not your enemies—they are your brothers and sisters, your compatriots, your intimate confidants. Burger Week binds us all.

Tip, and tip well. Countless hard-working chefs, cooks, and wait staff make Burger Week happen—it’s a huge, exhausting endeavor for each and every restaurant. These are the heroes of Burger Week! Make sure they know they’re appreciated. With money.

Order other stuff. All Burger Week burgers are only $5! That means restaurants often sell them for far less than they usually would. It also means you’ll have scratch left over for drinks, for sides, for whatever else. Pony up—you’re still getting a great deal.

Be social. Check Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. With #portlandburgerweek, the Mercury will be keeping you updated throughout Burger Week—and so will your fellow burger nerds. Stay tuned for reviews, pics, hot tips, free swag, and shocking revelations.

The Portland Mercury and the Oregon Food Bank’s Burger Week Challenge

Since 1982, the Oregon Food Bank has worked toward one goal: Ensuring that all Oregonians have access to nutritious, affordable food. For Burger Week 2016, the Portland Mercury is teaming up with the Oregon Food Bank to challenge all Burger Week participants to donate $5 to the food bank for every burger you eat. The Mercury will match the first $500 in donations. Together, we can make it so Burger Week is more than the best week of your life—it'll also be something that helps our neighbors in need. Learn more—and donate—at

That’s it. Here are the 2016 Burger Week burgers. And a map to help you plan your burger week route. Now go forth. Go forth and burger August 8-13.

Sponsored by Widmer Brothers Brewing, Jim Beam, Small Town Brewery, and MINI of Portland.