(Warning: nerdy shit ahead!)
Unless youâve been living under a rock for the past 30 years, youâve probably heard of the Square Enix game franchise known as Final Fantasy. Each iteration has been more innovative than the last, giving the gamer stunning visuals at the apex of graphical capabilities. In the latest release, Final Fantasy XV, food and cooking are major components, with almost frighteningly photorealistic results. The foods provide characters with the expected HP refills and stat buffs, and obtaining and learning new recipes moves the gameplay forward. Itâs fun as hell.
Luckily, you donât have to take a trip through the Uncanny Valley to enjoy these sumptuous delights. Here are some of the tastiest-looking dishes of the game, served right here in River City.
âCrown City Dive-Style DumplingsââPork Xiao Long Bao at Duck House
These soup dumplings are savory broth and tender niblets of meat impossibly suspended in a thin sheath of dumpling skin. Getting the shrimp and pork version will bring you somewhat closer to the gameâs magic-boosting Tomalley-Filled Dumplings, but no one in Portland serves such a dream as a xiao long bao filled with lobster fat. 1968 SW 5th
âMystery Meat SushiââSPAM musubi at Ate-Oh-Ate is a delicious appetizer (especially when tempuraâd as a happy hour special), and it goes well with their curry bowl (available in-game as âGarden Curryâ) and a golden-brown and delicious slab of katsu (AKA âFried Frontier Skewerâ), minus the stick. 2454 E Burnside, 5200 SE Woodstock
âFat Chocobo Triple-DeckerââTriple Decker Club for Two at Charlieâs Deli
As advertised, this sandwich will amply feed two people, if their mouths are even big enough. I had to unhinge my jaw like a goddamn Midgardsormr just to get a bite. Thereâs so much meat and cheese on there! Some may balk at the third slab of toasted bread in the middle, but itâs a necessary structural component, preventing the tomato and other fillings from sliding out once you sink your teeth in. 22 NW 4th
âGrease Monkeyâs Schnitzel SandwichââThe Original Schnitzelwhich from TĂĄbor, Czech Food of Portland
All that running around the Kingdom of Lucis works up an appetite, and nothing hits the spot like a giant cutlet of breaded pork loin or chicken, fried with lettuce, ajvar, caramelized onions, and horseradish-spiked sour cream on a ciabatta bun. Tastes like the Leide countryside! 433 SW Stark
âGolden Egg GaletteââParisian from Le Happy
Youâll be as happy as Prompto when youâre sitting down to a buckwheat crepe filled with ham and cheese and topped with an over-easy egg! 1011 NW 16th
âFree-Range Fowl Over RiceââKhao Man Gai at Nongâs Khao Man Gai
Nongâs eponymous bowl of steamed rice with simmered chicken and sliced cucumbers is a dead-ringer for the in-game version, but youâll only get her magnificent khao man gai sauce IRL. Various locations
âBreaded Cutlet with TomatoââChicken Parm at Bocciâs
This good old red sauce Italian joint is located in what happens to be a historically Italian neighborhood (Hosford-Abernethy), and their chicken parm will make you forget you ever wondered how a chocobo would really taste with marinara and melted cheese. 1728 SE 7th
âAce Hunterâs SchnitzelââSchnitzel at Stammtisch
Seriously, it looks exactly the same as in the game, right down to the potatoes and lemon slices. Itâs creepy. You get a slightly larger plate in real life. 401 NE 28th
âBurly Bean BowlââChili con Carne at the Original, a Dinerant
The Original happens to serve one of the best bowls of chili outside the Mercuryâs Chili Jamboree! The rich tomato-chile sauce, spicy meat, and burly beans will have you scooting your fold-a-lounge a little further away from the campfire. 300 SW 6th
âMother and Child Rice BowlââOyakodon at Koji Osakaya
This morbidly named dish is the same in Japanese; itâs a bowl of sweet-savory chicken niblets simmered in dashi and sake and mixed with a softly scrambled egg that cooks in the heat of the rice. Bonus: You can also order âNebula Salmon Teriyakiâ there. Various locations
âBraised Beef StewââBĂĄnh MĂŹ Bò Kho from Pho An Sandy
The in-game version doesnât come with a toasty-warm baguette for dipping, and the real-life version omits the Brussels sprouts, but otherwise these two bowls are brothers from another mother: juicy beef hunks, tender carrots, and slices of onion in a rich, brown gravy. 6236 NE Sandy