Can you hear the mongoloids gauging?
My idea of a big Saturday night. Please help. Credit: Chris Onstad

I am old, and I am grumpy, and I am lame. My Wikipedia page says as much. On a Saturday night at ten PM, I do not want to listen to the entirety of Alice’s Restaurant while looking hopelessly for parking, only to elbow my miserable way to a sticky table in the prison riot of a popular “night spot.” Where do I go after the evening shift, when all that is desired is a quiet, heated place for fair repast? Bonus points if everyone there thinks that Vampire Weekend is something involving Nosferatu in Ray Bans.

Can you hear the mongoloids gauging?

  • Chris Onstad
  • My idea of a big Saturday night. Please help.

See what I am reduced to? Safeway, 39th and Powell, midnight. Tillamook burger among the family-priced Folgers. A chorus of fey, gauging mongoloids by the Easter candy whines about their distaste for Cadbury’s Crème Eggs; the soundtrack is a tinny fluff of MIDI flutes covering Toto’s Africa. At least I can hear myself buy Chubby Hubby.

9 replies on “Call For Unpopular Places To Be Happy”

  2. WHAT GRAHAM SAID. ALSO, IN REGARD TO WHERE YOU ENDED UP, YOU WERE MERE BLOCKS AWAY FROM PINT O PRETZEL BLISS AT HOPWORKS. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

  3. Really, MIDI flutes covering Toto? An improvement!

    I thought that the Safeway on 39th/Powell only ever played Dave Matthews. Really, every single time I have been in there over the last umpteen years there is Dave singing away. Are you sure you were at the 39th and Powell location?

  4. I really like the Basement Pub. It’s just a great, normal bar with cheap, good food and no shtick. It’s usually busy, but not so busy that there’s not a couple tables open.

    They also have a cribbage night, which is good for the “old man” thing.

  5. Southeast Grind is just 10 or 15 blocks away from that Safeway. 24 hours, but usually crowded that time of night, since it’s one of the few non-bar late night things around there. Or hot cake house, but that’s just gross.

  6. Since we’re naming places that are close to 39th and Powell, I feel like someone should mention Devil’s Point. It’s easy walking distance, and you can’t stay grumpy there.

Comments are closed.