Let me just preface this post by saying every once in a while a person needs to sit down to a breakfast that isn’t locally raised, seasonal, sustainable, and prepared by magic forest dwelling unicorns who flavor the mushroom gravy with rainbow kisses.

But just every once in awhile… For perspective. And if you’re going to have a breakfast laden with perspective, it might as well be a free breakfast. To that end, Denny’s is offering a free grand slam breakfast to everyone in America until 2 pm this afternoon.

A Grand Slam = two hotcakes, two slices of bacon, two sausage links, and two eggs. It’s certainly far from the best breakfast you ever had, but it’s filling, has that whole salty/sweet thing going on… And for some reason I just love those corporate hotcakes. What do they put in those things? Crack? Corporate Crack? Viagra? Geritol?

Yeah, its far from sustainable. It sure as hell isn’t local, and I doubt there are any Unicorns in the Denny’s kitchen (unless they just got out of the joint after doing a dime for trafficking*). But it’s free, and that Grand Slam flavor is the flavor of not taking your city’s brunches for granted.

So go get some perspective. And for the love of god, remember to tip your server! Just because the breakfast is free doesn’t mean that the waitress isn’t working just as hard.

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*This is not to imply that the cooks at Denny’s are all ex-cons. I’m simply saying that there are few places other than Denny’s that would hire a drug trafficking ex-con Unicorn.

13 replies on “Free Breakfast? Why Not!”

  2. Ate at a Denny’s once in Nevada where the fries were served green and cold. That was the last time I stepped in a Denny’s. 1984 folks.

  3. Why not? Because the food at Denny’s is horrible. Because it is a chain restaurant that purchases its eggs from socially irresponsible agribusinesses. Because it pays its employees below living wage. Because it has a long history of discrimination.

    Just a few reasons.

  5. And yet, I don’t see any non-chains that purchase their eggs from socially responsible farmers, pay a living wage, and don’t discriminate offering me FREE FOOD in this shitty economy where I have no money.

  6. Denny’s not vegan / free range / gluten free / equality-focused?? OMG. I HAD NO IDEA. WHO WANTS TO GET A PROTEST STARTED? We’ll crash the gates and chant loudly and then march into SE to eat food at a socially sustainable $14/plate eco-cafe run by bearded hipster foodies. They will be listening to Fleet Foxes in the kitchen and I’ll resist the urge to say anything even though knowing that the people– nay, the COMMUNITY I’m supporting– like the same music as I do is just so satisfying. IT’S WHY I MOVED TO PORTLAND. Why, that fry cook could be the next Isaac Brock! DREAMY. It’s not like that back in (boring place back east where I’m from). Oh, no. Back “home” the servers look like, you know, waitresses or something. The bad, old kind of waitress that doesn’t even have full sleeves.

    Anyhow, who’s up for tearing down the walls of injustice?

  7. “I’m simply saying that there are few places other than Denny’s that would hire a drug trafficking ex-con Unicorn.”

    …but the Hot Cake House is one.

  8. My choice to not partake in this give-away will surely launch large-scale systemic change in the way restaurants do business, and will slay the evil agribusiness dragon! The important part of being a good member of society is having the luxory of making consumer choices you don’t have to feel guilty about. The political is personal, right? Wait, did I remember that backwards?

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