I love Guy Fieri. I love his style, I love how much he loves food, and most importantly, I love his shows, especially Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives and Guy’s Grocery Games. I think Guy Fieri is cool, and you’re just going to have to deal with it. Given my boundless enthusiasm, imagine my shock and delight when I saw this tweet:
Touched down in Portland. Think we found some pretty off da chain #DDD spots to share with ya
— Guy Fieri (@GuyFieri) August 28, 2016
Initially I did nothing. Why would Guy deign to eat with me, someone who still regularly consumes Pizza Lunchables? But last night, something changed. Realizing how life-altering it’d be to break bread with my favorite celebrity chef inspired me to do something a little bit wild:
@GuyFieri I’m free tomorrow between noon and 1:30 pm and all day Friday.
— Ciara Knight Dolan (@not_that_ciara) August 30, 2016
I kept tweeting late into the night, and again today. I made sure to keep my schedule wide-open in case I got a response. My first tweet was “liked” by one of the Triple D producers, who I informed that I am “Portland’s biggest Guy fan (muscly arm emoji).” That might not be true, but I was desperate. My dear friends and colleagues were kind enough to retweet my pleas, but even that didn’t get me the traction I needed to share some fries with the mayor of Flavortown. Then this afternoon, a video circulating on Facebook confirmed that Guy was filming on NE Alberta. I let him know that I could also do dinner:
@GuyFieri also available for dinner
— Ciara Knight Dolan (@not_that_ciara) August 30, 2016
But it was too late:
Had an awesome time in Portland – this city really knows food #DDD https://t.co/YfL6wzPzHH pic.twitter.com/WDpUMigMYi
— Guy Fieri (@GuyFieri) August 30, 2016
Guy. I know you’re a busy man, but I am a huge supporter of your work. I genuinely love your TV shows. If you’re still here, PLEASE get breakfast with me tomorrow. You pick the place, I trust your judgment. If you’re gone, I sincerely hope you reconsider my proposition next time you visit.
Guy told me to tell you to meet him at mcD’s on Barbur, 9:45 sharp.
Ciara, I think you have a problem. With therapy and the right strain, we can wean you away from the frosted hair and subpar food. Here, let’s start with this nice kale salad with artisanal cheese crumbles and naturally raised bacon…