Okay, maybe you don’t treat picnicking as a competitive sport, but why half-ass it with a greasy paper bucket of KFC and a tub of store-bought potato salad? You’re a grown-ass person, with grown-ass tastes. But even if you really just want your afternoon at High Rocks to shame all those Estacada heshers (and honestly, who doesn’t), break out the blanket and your purdiest basket, and follow these tips:
1) Graduate past PBR tallboys. You know you’re ready. Radler is the hotness now, and since it’s light beer mixed with fruity soda, you can drink lots of them without getting trashed! Even during the daytime! In the summery heat! Pick up the classic grapefruit Steigl at your friendly neighborhood fancy-pants grocery store (it tastes just like Squirt), or go balls to the wall and stop into Belmont Station for an impressive selection of imports.
2) Your next recipe for success is this combo: pickled eggs, pimento cheese, saltines and celery sticks. Get the pickled eggs to go off the Grüner lunch menu. You can pick up a decent facsimile for pimento cheese in the form of “pub cheese,” available at the most basic of grocery stores (Safeway, Trader Joe’s, etc.). Pick up the saltines and celery while you’re there.
3) If Southern-style isn’t really your style, do it Japanese style like the early-summer picnics called undokai. Cold sesame noodles, rice balls (or even musubi), fried chicken and pickled things are all totally legit, and go great with little single-serving cold sake. My favorite is the Ozeki One Cup, not just because the name incites much lewd wisecracking, but the sturdy glasses can be repurposed into one’s barware quite nicely. All of these can be purchased in the Uwajimaya deli, and then you’re just a hop, skip and a jump to Washington Park.
This summer, don’t be a ratchet sucka! Put the other picnics to shame.