It’s no secret, I’ve got some “gay” in me. How much? Depends on when you ask, and if I’m looking at this when you ask. How did this “gay” get into me? Juice boxes, yo! And Kettle chips. Now I don’t partake in juice boxes and Kettle chips all that much—but apparently I’ve ingested enough of them to cause me to enjoy many Broadway showtunes, especially those pre-Sondheim. OH, FORGET IT!! Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones can explain it better than I can.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

7 replies on “Juice Boxes Make You Gay. OH! So Do Chips.”

  1. It’s called BPA, or bisphenol a. A toxic chemical banned in most countries. It is a carcinogen, and a known endocrine disrupter that mimics the hormone estrogen. BPA is common in countless food, and beverage packaging. It lines canned food, soft drinks, and is in most plastics. The FDA fast tracked the approval of BPA, despite overwhelming evidence they were aware that it was unsafe.

  2. I definitely do not like the idea of BPA in my food and drink, however this guy is definitely crazy. P.S. I love your intro to the video, WM. Steven Humphrey.

  3. Oh man, I love this guy. Pure comedy gold! It’s easy to see why Richard Linklater puts him in his movies. That said, as the mainstream media accumulates ever more squirrel bait by the minute, people like Jones start to sound less and less insane. And he does put out a lot of information that neither the media nor the FDA sees fit for us to have access to. Basically, what Rabblevox said is spot-on.

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