After my original non-review received a sternly written letter from THQ’s PR folk, The Mercury opted to take it down. Decrying a terrible game isn’t worth it when you’re liable to be sued for the whole thing, so I’ve been forced to remain mum on the subject.
Until now.
Saints Row 2 is essentially Grand Theft Auto’s younger brother.
Sadly, SR2 is the younger brother who doesn’t quite understand that he’s a skinny Caucasian, and urges people to call him “J-Dizzle,” while making constant, barely comprehended references to “smokin’ blunts” and “slappin’ bitches.”
Unfortunately, even those of you saddled with the same depressing faux-gangsta bravado will find little to enjoy in the game. Where Grand Theft Auto 4 presents players with a deep, nuanced world full of Godfather-level thug dramatics, SR2 parrots the same ideals in what would be considered a parody if it wasn’t almost certain that the developers are so damned serious about the whole thing.
Bugs abound: The game’s physics are somewhere between driving a Cadillac on the surface of the moon and swimming in a pool of jelly, combat often ends in your foes awkwardly being blasted 30 feet into the air and half the missions I attempted ended in a mysteriously missing objective.
Even if you get past these major flaws, the game itself tends to run like shit. This is a console title, so it’s not like my hardware wasn’t up to snuff, but as I drove around the streets of Saints Row 2 the framerate often slumped or paused for half a second, making maneuvering with any finesse an exercise in slamming your respective genitalia in a sliding glass door.
Then again, it’s not all bad. I did truly enjoy the Okkervil River song on the game’s soundtrack.
(I suppose you were expecting me to continue my list of reasons why Saints Row 2 isn’t terrible, huh? Sorry. That’s all I could come up with. Avoid this shit like the plague.)
The TV commercial made it seem like there was quite a bit of customization on creating your character. Is that actually there or were they full of shit?
Earnest “Nex” Cavalli is essentially like a younger brother of a real Game Journalist.
Sadly, he is the younger brother who doesn’t quite understand that his job is to provide coverage that is informative, and unbiased; instead of vomiting uselessness on his keyboard in a desparate attempt to gain attention by cutting against the grain of overwhelmingly positive reviews from all of his more professional colleagues.
Unfortunately, even using the word colleagues is generous to the point laughable. Where real Game reviewers presents players with deep, nuanced coverage of the successes and failings of each title they review, “Nex” just parrots the Hater-Aid filled blather of GTA luvin Fan-boys, who at this very moment are all biting their controllers in-half over SR2’s obviously superior game play experience.
Its okay though. On the internet, the real deets are just a click away. Now… click away.
Graham: those elements do exist, but all the characters you create have that bizarrely plastic, terrible feel associated with creating characters in wrestling games circa last console generation.
jab: You’re kidding right? I thought as much based on that oh-so clever parroting back of my introductory sentence, but then you fell into this “I’m going to try to insult him based on his having a different opinion” thing.
Then again, you’re the sort of person who uses the term “Hater-Aid” without any qualifiers, so I’d say this game is aimed directly at you. Please, enjoy with my best regards.
I pre-ordered SR2, and picked up the Collector’s Edition for X-Box 360. The next day I returned it for a loss of about $45 U.S., and re-purchased the original (SR1) instead. SR1 has superior graphics, the environment is brighter and clearer, the screen doesn’t make my eyes cross when running from the new screen wobble effect, driving is much better and the physics work so much better. I’ve been killed in SR2 from being knocked into the back of the ambulance and unable to move, and from landing in water with a motorcycle and being re-spawned into the side of a building. I didn’t even get an acknowledgement or credit for the height of the jump. The bike just disappeared and I became one with the casino.
And speaking of casinos, nothing but poker and blackjack? The Rolette wheels upstairs if they spawn, are sideways and askew, and don’t function. GTA San Andreas had this working how long ago???
I guess I was hoping for SR1 quality game play and graphics and physics with the ability to fly and to use watercraft, motorcycles and armored personnel carriers with a continuation of the story line with gambling. I’m sure the story line is there, but the quality of SR2 looks and performs like SR1’s demo or beta version from 5 years ago. I’ve played GTA4, and it has it’s pros and cons too, and shouldn’t be compared to SR1 or 2, at least GTA4 wasn’t lower quality than previous releases. SR2 is a huge step back, and under-delivers.
But that’s ok. I haven’t played SR1 in a long time. It’s like coming home.
Earnest, I bet you are thrilled that people actually acknowledged this article. Too bad the same cannot be said of every other article you’re written.
Don’t worry, though. Hate hard enough, and people will take the bait. That’s the magic of internet press.
Now Yahtzee knows how to review a game…
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/vie…
Stick that in your snizz.
Who the hell are jabalot and RobertTerm? Fanboys from hell or maybe even from the dev team of the game? Pretty hard to believe a Saints Row game could really attract fanboys THAT rabid, and pretty poor form if it really is the later.
I might steer clear of this one. The unbearable framerates from SR1 don’t look fixed (way worse than any GTA, and GTA can be pretty rough) and the humor and attitude still look just as painful and retarded from what I’ve seen.