Remember Splatterhouse?
It was a vaguely well known beat-em-up on the Genesis and Super Nintendo that pitted your hockey-mask-clad Jason Voorhees wannabe against hordes of enemies, all who were functionally just bags of blood waiting for you to wander by and give the house its titular splatter.
Like everything from our collective childhood, it’s being remade, only this time with fancy 3-D graphics and — based on this first trailer — a heavy reliance on jump cuts.
I wanna say I have high hopes for this game as the original series was one of my guilty pleasures as a young gaming snob, but all I can think of watching this clip is how much it resembles an alternate reality Tampax commercial as directed by Eli Roth.
Not to get all Katie Couric on you, but the home version of Splatterhouse was a TG16 game (FM Towns, too.)
Splatterhouse 2 was the one on Genesis. I say this not for snarky gotcha games, I know we all weren’t nerds for the TG16/PC Engine…. (Props to Cosmic Fantasy, Parasol Stars, Bonks Adventure, Gate of Thunder, and Devil’s Crush)…. But if you liked Splatterhouse 2, you gotta check out a ROM of the Japanese Version of the original. (PC Engine or MAME) Crazy splattery blood and sound effects.
Yeah, I know Mike (my parents somehow managed to buy me a TG16 on launch day — no, I don’t know why), but had I described Splatterhouse’s true origins I’d have even more people wondering what the hell I was talking about.
This way I only have you shaking your head sadly in my direction.