As many of you have probably already surmised (especially those who work here at the Mercury), I am an unrepentant bully. For me, a day isn’t complete without calling Alison Hallett “four-eyes,” pantsing Matt Davis, or dumping Patrick Coleman head first into a garbage can. Sometimes I like to stare at Erik Henriksen. I just stare at him. That’s a form of bullying, too!
However, I also realize that my bullying goes too far sometimes, and that’s why you should watch and follow the advice of this “Bully Smart” video circa the ’90s. The most important thing to remember is that I rarely if ever listen to reason—and sometimes a sharp slap to the groin is the only thing that will slow me down. Afterward, don’t forget to run!
NERD.
Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.) More by Wm. Steven Humphrey
Staring at Erik doesn’t make you a bully, it makes you masochistic:
http://questionland.portlandmercury.com/qu…
That’s OK, we’d all be bullies if we had to deal with your daily cosmetic challenges.
Just remember, it’s not true that “Baldies are penises with ears”. Accept the noodly appendage and those horrible childhood taunts don’t have to control you any more.