Because if you are, I have a job for you.

This is… I don’t know what… how can I put this into words? I cannot. Okay. Everyone. LOOK WHAT THEY HAVE AT SEARS IN CANADA.

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Yes! Those are Legos “Best-Lock” sets based on Stargate SG-1 and The Terminator. No, they are not available in the United States. I know this because I live in the United States, and if I could get these, then my house would be made out of them. And to add insult to injury, those Canadian Sears jerks won’t even send these items to the United States.

So: Are you Canadian? Will you buy these for me and then send them to me at the Mercury offices? Obviously this is an important matter and I eagerly look forward to many offers of assistance from generous Canadians in the comments section.

In conclusion, here is the Stargate SG-1 opening, set to the theme song from MacGyver. Also, hey, Canadian Sears? If it turns out you also have fake Legos based on MacGyver, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I WILL DO. Freak out, probably. But then I would probably just move to Canada.

Via Topless Robot, where the commenters have some valid points. Infinite thanks to Andrew for the heads up.

With honor and distinction, Erik Henriksen served as the executive editor of the Portland Mercury from 2004 to 2020. He can now be found at henriksenactual.com.

5 replies on “URGENT: <i>ARE YOU CANADIAN?</i>”

  2. FUCK!!!!!

    God damn those Canadians! You know what this means. Canada is now the sweet country and we are now the second class, Canada’s bitch country. Lego are the Canary in the coal mine of national exceptionalism.

  4. The Hudson’s Bay Company is willing to to bring some down if a bunch of us agree to meet at Champoeg Park to reverse that silly 1843 vote to join the United States.

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