1) Because she’s absolutely sweet, truthful, and adorable.
2) Because she’s not afraid to stand up for the importance of Planned Parenthood.
3) Because she’s not ashamed of her “heavy flow.” (That’s not a rap term. That’s a vagina term.)
4) I should not be President Obama’s spokesperson.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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