According to Britain’s The Mirror, a woman was rushed to the hospital complaining of extreme pain in her cootie. When doctors examined her they found a rolled up poster of Donnie Osmond inside her vagina.

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Now normally, I’d call “bullshit” on a story like this… except that you can probably guess where I store my rolled up poster of Justin Bieber.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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