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GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! Looks like we're finally getting the respite we've prayed for from last week's oppressive heat, and you can expect much more reasonable summer highs of 86 degrees tomorrow and dropping down to 78 by Thursday. THAT. IS. MORE. LIKE. IT. Now allow me to dazzle you with some NEWS.


• Mackenzie Lewis—a member of the right-wing group Patriot Prayer—has been sentenced to three days in jail after being found guilty of rioting during the May 2019 fracas at Cider Riot. Why didn't he get more time behind bars? Our Alex Zielinski explains it all for you.

• Last week's heatwave broke a former Portland record set in 1981 for the most consecutive days (7) with temperatures at or above 95 degrees. The last record was six consecutive days.

• And since it's August 1, right on cue, here come the first significant wildfires of the season: Lightning strikes set several fires between Bend and Crater Lake in Central Oregon, and part of the Pacific Crest Trail has also been closed due to blazes.

• After failing to get on the Oregon gubernatorial ballot, annoying pundit Nick Kristof announced he will be going back to his old job writing occasionally ill-researched columns for the New York Times. The most interesting thing from the WW article: Apparently he's been fielding a lot of job offers, including an "inquiry" from the Portland mayor's office? “Some folks from Portland reached out, but it wasn’t clear exactly how I could be useful,” he told the WW. Welp, that's one thing Kristof and I agree on!

• Congratulations to Portland's own comic book shop Books with Pictures, which has been voted the best comic shop IN THE WORLD. (I believe it!)

• Trash lovers, let's go! It's time for another edition of Elinor Jones' THE TRASH REPORT. This week: Quitting your job and loving it, Taylor Swift's biiiig carbon footprint, and (yum) royal butt stuff! 👑😊

• If you've been holed up because of the heat all week, I'd wager you're just about ready to venture out and enjoy some of the DEEEE-LICIOUS frosty, booze-filled cocktails (all for only $6 each) during the Mercury's SUMMER OF SLUSHIES! But hurry-hurry, the refreshing fun ends in two weeks!


• Al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri—the man who replaced Osama bin Laden, and helped orchestrate the 9/11 attacks—has been killed by a US drone strike, according to officials who also added there were no civilian casualties.

• The first domestic terrorist to face trial for his actions during the January 6 attack on the nation's capitol has been sentenced to more than seven years in the slammer—the longest sentence given thus far. 

• In sports/deep systemic misogyny news: Cleveland Browns quarterback Deshaun Watson has been suspended without pay for six games after 24 (!!) women came forward to accuse him of sexual misconduct. While it's being called "the most significant punishment ever imposed on an NFL player for allegations of non-violent sexual conduct," I'm like... that doesn't sound like much of a punishment? But that's the NFL for ya.

• RIP Nichelle Nichols, AKA Lt. Uhura from the original Star Trek, who has died at the age of 89.

• And finally... I like what TriMet is doing with their new MAX line.