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Good afternoon and Long Live Kate Bush! Tomorrow Portland may brush her fingertips against an unholy temperature of 98 degrees. Let's hit some related news!


The next two days are looking to be scorchers. The Mercury's Isabella Garcia reports that the county plans to open one, daytime cooling shelter for one day—in Old Town. Depending on weather conditions, city and county leaders may open additional cooling centers or shelters. 

• Workers at Portland's Slabtown New Seasons location filed to hold a union vote yesterday, saying they want to have more input on policies, address staffing problems at the store, and advocate for higher wages. Isabella Garcia reports

Although the sales team continues to disregard all of MY slogan suggestions for Burger Week 2022, it falls to me to nevertheless encourage you: Don't Sleep on the Meat. Why didn't they like that one? Probably because there are so many vegetarian / vegan options AND because it sounds intimidatingly sensual. The point I'm trying to make here is: there are nearly 50 Burger Week locations out there so you don't have to travel far to get your burger on for the low low price of $8 (truly a steal during these inflation times, so make sure to tip well!) 


• Today President Biden signed the Inflation Reduction Act: a long-awaited bill that will pay for infrastructure projects, extend federal health subsidies, allow the government to negotiate prescription drug prices, and encourage low-emission forms of energy with tax credits and funding, paid for by taxing large corporations. It's also expected to reduce the deficit. Despite all those good-sounding things, Republicans still didn't vote for it. But eventually Joe Manchin did.

• ON AN IDEALOGICAL LEVEL, Freya the walrus and I were completely on the same page. We both like to lay in the sun, we both have enormous teeth, and we both seemed to agree that boats are subject to the needs of an 1,300-pound ocean creature. If a boat sank because Freya scootched up onto it—then it DESERVED TO SINK. I don't have to tell you that walruses traditionally lay on ice sheets and human beings have decreased the availability of said sheets, due to our ongoing project of making the planet hotter. When Freya the Vengeance Walrus first appeared in June she captured the heart of THE WORLD and the world's obsession with her glorious majesty ultimately seems to be what led to her death. On Sunday, Norwegian authorities euthanized her. Their reasoning? Too many fans were getting close to Freya and someone would eventually be harmed

• Freya was killed because people sought her out and let their kids swim too close to her, Squirrel With A Gun supposes that the squirrel outside your house now has a gun.