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GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! *whispers* (Is it thong weather?) I do believe it's... THONG WEATHER! 💥😎😛 And here's your thong weather report: Expect sunny skies and a thong-tastic 64 degrees tomorrow... and while showers return on Sunday, the temp will still hit 56, which means you can wear your fur thong! And now, here's some thong-tha-thong-thong NEWS


• If you love neighborhood association DRAMA, you're gonna flip over this banger of a report from the Mercury's newest star reporter Courtney Vaughn. See, even after having their funds yanked by the city for financial mismanagement, the overprivileged souls of Southwest Neighborhoods, Inc. want Portland to resume giving them free money... without showing any sign of change. Come for the eye-bulging entitlement, stay for Commish Dan Ryan bending over backwards to help these rich crybabies.

• Very much related: Building more housing is IMPERATIVE to curbing the state's homeless crisis, and while every NIMBY in the state is screaming and crying for houseless folk to disappear, according to a new poll, only a quarter of Oregonians want new construction in their neighborhood, and half don't want landlords to get any special incentives for taking in the homeless. Feel free to lose YOUR GOT-DAMNED MIND.

• Hilariously, Mayor Ted Wheeler (and fellow Portland Business Alliance employee, Commissioner Mingus Mapps) is claiming that his sweeps of houseless folk encampments near roadways has led to a dramatic decrease in the deaths of homeless people. AHEM. And now our own Isabella Garcia will handily disabuse them of that delusion:

• While an Oregon bill that would ban the use of kangaroo skin to make sports shoes and other goods has hit a dead end, activists are pleased as punch by the news that both Nike and Puma will cease using kangaroo leather in their overpriced creations. (Do you own "kangaroo shoes"? If you or your kids play soccer, then the answer is probably YES.)


• It's always a good day when war criminal Vladimir Putin is issued with an international arrest warrant over accusations that he committed war crimes for the "unlawful deportation of (children) and unlawful transfer of (children) from occupied areas of Ukraine to the Russian Federation.” While he will certainly ignore such a warrant, it will definitely make for some awkward moments during his weeklong sleepover next week with China's President Xi Jinping.

• Run to the store this weekend and buy some popcorn, because multiple law enforcement agencies are preparing for the possibility that former President Donald Trump could be indicted as soon as next week (!!) for his role in the Stormy Daniels hush money scandal. (Meanwhile a federal judge has ordered Trump attorney Evan Corcoran to testify regarding the mishandled classified documents that were found at Mar-a-Lago. SO MUCH LEGAL TURMOIL, I LOVE IT.)

• News for your racist uncle: Despite recent accusations that the coronavirus was leaked from a Chinese lab, recent data indicates that the virus may have originated in Wuhan raccoon dogs—which I've never heard of, and to be honest, I'm not exactly psyched by the prospect of a dog that can steal and open a can of snacks all on her own. Anyway, the World Health Organization is investigating.

Sad news for all of us fans of John Wick and The Wire:

• Thousands of demonstrators are flooding Place de la Concorde in France to protest the government's plan to raise the national retirement age from 62 to 64, and the situation wasn't improved when President Emmanuel Macron suddenly ordered the legislation to pass without allowing lawmakers to vote on it. (Trust me when I say the French make Portland's so-called "riots" look like a kindergarten trip to the cotton candy factory.)

• And finally... what your office cat is doing while you're away for the weekend.