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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Congratulations, you've made it to Friday. So let's check the weekend weather! Expect some rain today, and a mostly cloudy Saturday and Sunday with highs around 60. Okay, fine, I guess it's official: Pack that thong away for the winter. ๐Ÿ™ But on the bright side, here's some NEWS! ๐Ÿ˜€


โ€ข Over 200 people were on hand Wednesday to offer public testimony for and (mostly) against Mayor Wheeler and Commissioner Ryan's sprawling, politically motivated, and unfunded plan to criminalize homeless people. Oh, and here's a fun fact: Even though it was intended for the general public, Commissioner Dan Ryan made sure all his friends in the realtor, lobbying, and wealthy turd community got to speak first, in a failed attempt to silence dissenting voices. (Bad form!) Our Alex Zielinski was there and files this report.

โ€ข Did you feel the "bern" yesterday? If so, that was Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders dropping into Portland at the Roseland Theater to stump for Democrats like governor hopeful Tina Kotek, and warn the exuberant crowd about the dangers of WEALTH INEQUITY, or what happens when we give the wealthy too much power. Oh... speaking of which...

โ€ข An Oregon judge has dismissed the historic $77,000 fine leveled on city council candidate Rene Gonzalez for breaking small donor rules by accepting (and failing to report) a sweetheart office deal from his wealthy sweetheart Jordan Schnitzer. It seems the judge was swayed by testimony from Schnitzer's real estate pals that downtown office space is not worth any more than $250 per month, even though the mogul is listing it online for $6,900 per month. But the GOOD NEWS? The city can certainly afford $250 per month to house lots and lots of Portland's homeless in Schnitzer's properties! Thanks for the generosity, Schnitz! (Our Isabella Garcia has more.)

โ€ข In other election news, two more counties will be voting on the possibility of abandoning Oregon to become part of the larger, mythical "Greater Idaho." Not much is expected to come of it, other than election offices will have trouble reading the tear-stained ballots. (Saaaaad trommmmbooooone.)ย 

โ€ข An internal Department of Homeland Security report, that was once heavily redacted, has been re-released and it's NOT A GOOD LOOK for Trump's DHS who heavily politicized their intelligence operations in Portland during the 2020 protests. Not only did they produce "baseball cards" bearing highly personal information about Portland activists, but they were convinced all the protests were run by one Antifa mastermind or organization. (No, not the Mercury.)

โ€ข OooOOOooo! ย ๐Ÿ‘ป (That's "ghost talk" for "It's time for the HALLOWEEN edition of POP QUIZ PDX!") This week's super fun trivia quiz includes deadly Portland amusement parks, blood-sucking political candidates, and your fave dreamboat homicidal maniacs! ๐Ÿ˜


โ€ข In truly shitty news: 82-year-old Paul Pelosi, the husband of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, was violently attacked with a hammer in their San Francisco home yesterday, and a suspect is in custody. Pelosi is expected to recover, and police are trying to ascertain whether the attack was politically motivated. (But probably.)

โ€ข Get ready to throw your Twitter in the trashโ€”billionaire crybaby Elon Musk has officially closed the deal to purchase the social media platform, and will now commence fucking it up beyond all recognition. For example, antisemite asshole Kanye West is back on Twitter after Musk lifted his ban. To the surprise of no one, Republicans are very happy about all this.

โ€ข Today in "good question": "After Putin says he won't use nuclear weapons in Ukraine, Biden asks: 'Why does he keep talking about it?'"

โ€ข After 13 years of marriage, insufferable quarterback Tom Brady and supermodel Gisele Bรผndchen have announced they're getting a divorce. Rumor has it that Gisele was unhappy about Tom's uninvited and unwelcome return to pro football.

โ€ข Okay, this made me snort laugh!

โ€ข And finally... me, trying to get hyped for the rest of the day.