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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! (And voters!) It was a huge election day yesterday, with lots of good news, not-so-good news, and just "news"—but things are not as bad as we feared, and there are still A LOT of votes at home and across the country to be counted. So let's chill and see where we currently stand!


• First things first, let's dip into local and state election results as they stand this morning! In the Portland races, things looked VERY GOOD for Charter Reform (the O has called it a win), and NOT GOOD AT ALL for Commissioner Jo Ann Hardesty who, according to the Oregonian, was defeated by the wildly unqualified hack for Portland's upper crust, Rene Gonzalez. The good news is that, thanks to charter reform, ALL of Portland's bought-and-paid-for council people will be gone in two years and we'll be electing a raft of 12 to replace them.

• Jessica Vega Pederson holds a tight 5 percent lead over Sharon Meieran for MultCo County Chair. The race for governor between Tina Kotek and Republican Christine Drazan is far too close to call, with only two percentage points and roughly 16,000 votes separating them, BUT the state will still have a majority of Democrats in the legislature.

• Nice going, Oregon, you passed one of the strictest gun laws in the nation last night, and passed Measure 113 which will stop crybaby Republicans from running out of the statehouse whenever they don't get their way.

• In the congressional district races, Dem Val Hoyle defeated Republican Alek Skarlatos in the 4th district, while Democrat Andrea Salinas is holding on to a narrow lead over Republican Mike Erickson in the 6th, and Republican Lori Chavez-DeRemer has her own narrow lead over Democrat Jamie McLeod-Skinner in the 5th.

• The best news of the night that made everybody pump their fist and say "YES!" was Catherine McMullen handily defeating serial fuck-up Sherry Hall to become the new Clackamas County Election Clerk! YES!

Look, THERE'S A LOT MORE, but if you want a very entertaining (and smart-assy) run-down of last night's events THAT INCLUDES VIDEO OF ADORABLE PUPPIES WRESTLING, then do not miss the Mercury's Election Night Live Blog!


• Oh, wait... the rest of the nation had their elections on the same night as ours? RUDE. Anyway, while there are still a lot more votes to be counted, here's what we know this morning: First, the so-called "Red Wave" turned out to be a ripple of blood coming out of Dr. Oz' nose. Abortion actually WAS a huge issue for Americans, and while Republicans may take the House, they won't get nearly the blowout they expected. The Senate is still up for grabs, thanks to the super tight race between Warnock and Walker in Georgia that will probably end in a December runoff.

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• Bad news: Governor Ron DeSantis easily beat his Democratic opponent in Florida, which is no longer considered a swing state. Good news: This further erodes Trump's ability to run a successful presidential campaign, so maybe he'll go crawl back under his pile of garbage. Lots of his chosen candidates (AKA election deniers) shit the bed last night—including Dr. Oz losing to John Fetterman in Pennsylvania—so ha-ha-HA to that!

• As noted earlier, abortion played a HUGE role in this election, with both Kentucky and Michigan surprisingly protecting abortion rights, and Vermont and California putting the protection into their constitution.

• Other stuff: Peehole Georgia Governor Brian Kemp defeated our hero Stacey Abrams, my wife's cousin Democratic Rep. Sean Patrick Maloney of New York conceded his race (and my wife is sad), and while unworthy idiot author J.D. Vance won his Ohio senate race, Governor Gretchen Whitmer took home the gold in Michigan.

• Reminder! There are LOTS more votes to be counted across the country so be patient and spread the word to quell all the election deniers that are already priming their itchy Twitter fingers.

• Quickly, IN OTHER NEWS: Russia announces it is withdrawing from the key city Kherson in Ukraine, Mark Zuckerberg's pet project Meta is cutting a whopping 11,000 jobs, and... oh, no! "Actor Leslie Phillips, voice of the Sorting Hat in the 'Harry Potter' films, dies at 98." Now I'll NEVER find out what house I'll be in! (Sorry, when I'm tired, I can be a little mean.)

• And finally... me after a long election night and waking up first thing to write Good Morning, News: