Good morning, Portland! Here's an idea I thought of when I couldn't sleep during the night: open a bar that only serves port, and call it Port Land. Get it? Like Portland? Port... Land. Is this anything? Think about it. And now, here's the news!

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Governor Tina Kotek has signed off on Portland's funding plan to address homelessness after the city submitted a more fleshed out plan than 🤷‍♂️🤲💰💰💰—which was their first draft.

• During the height of the 2020 racial justice protests, Portland City Council pledged funding to Reimagine Oregon, an organization created to lift up Black Portlanders and invest in projects to serve the community. Mayor Ted Wheeler called it "the centerpiece" of his budget at the time. Now I want you to guess if any of the funding has actually come through, and also guess if City Council—in a scheme led by Commish Mingus Mapps—is doing anything shady to back out of the plan, and take promised money out of the hands of Black Portlanders. This piece from OPB will answer those questions, and make steam come out of your ears.

• Outdoor item store REI is closing its Pearl District store next February. Headlines go straight for the company's cited concerns over shoplifting and vandalism, although their statement also says they have "outgrown their space," which to me sounds like maybe business was doing okay? Like do you have too much stuff or not enough stuff? Make up your mind, REI.

• Oregon lawmakers are requesting that providers track the demographic data of who receives psilocybin which is 1) a great way to make sure it's not only rich white people who get to legally trip balls, and 2) a great way to create jobs for people who like spreadsheets! There are ethical concerns, though. (The concerns could also be gathered on a spreadsheet.)

• It's seal pup season at the Oregon Coast! This is the time of year when mom seals drop their kids off at the beach while the mamas go hunt, so if you see a baby seal all alone on the beach: no, you didn't. Leave it alone. Their mom will be right back. Don't call seal CPS. (And don't play with the pup, even if it is very cute and you don't think anyone would find out!)

• The longer it rains, the less my springtime allergies try to kill me, so I'm going to try to be okay with another few soggy days. (Don't remind me I said this when it's still pouring in late June; I will deny it, and I will insist that the weather is your fault.)

IN NATIONAL/INTERNATIONAL NEWS:

• In Kansas City, a white man in his 80s has been charged with first-degree assault for shooting 16-year-old Ralph Yarl, a black child who rang the wrong doorbell while trying to pick up his younger siblings. Yarl was released from the hospital to continue his recovery at home, and I hope he gets better very soon and that his family is surrounded by love and support. I also hope cities think twice about having one number street that's an avenue and another that's a terrace. Horrible system. Also horrible system? Systemic racism that inspired a white man to shoot a Black teen for ringing his doorbell.

• On that note: a 20-year-old woman was shot and killed in New York after turning her car into the wrong property while looking for a friend. The victim was white, so it wasn't racially motivated violence, just your regular run-of-the-mill horrific gun violence, which must be so comforting. Aren't you comforted?

• The defamation trial against Fox News filed by Dominion Voting Systems is set to get underway in Delaware today. Wouldn't you be so pumped if you were in Delaware for that? I feel like it might end up on their license plate. Not a lot happens in Delaware, is what I'm saying. 

• Two New York City residents have been arrested for allegedly setting up a secret Chinese police station (!!) on Manhattan that was being used to target activists who fled China.

• The Great Pacific Garbage Patch is now so big and such a part of the ocean's reality that species of critters have moved into it and are thriving. Scientists say "findings suggest plastic pollution in the ocean might be enabling the creation of new floating ecosystems of species that are not normally able to survive in the open ocean," like little crabs and anemones. The next Pacific Rim movie should have a kaiju made out of garbage and little crabs and anemones.

• Katy Perry is set to perform at the upcoming coronation of King Charles III in jolly old England after loads of English performers (allegedly) wouldn't touch the event with a 3-meter pole. I wonder if Katy Perry will do like what Elton John did with "Candle in the Wind" when he repurposed the song to be about Princess Diana except Katy Perry will do it with the song "Teenage Dream" and make it about King Charles? "Gonna get your heart racing / with my palace things / be your royal king tonight."

• This is a beautiful piece of information to carry in your pocket for when there is a lull in the conversation. Enjoy it, and enjoy your day!