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Good Morning, Portland! When I was around twelve, my school class went on a day trip to an amusement park. It was a nice day, so the park was crowded and lines were long. I was an unpopular child, so I stood in those lines by myself—wishing vehemently that everyone else’s rollercoaster ride should be a little shorter and mine longer. It occurred to me then that this is a common style of thinking. Housing is really expensive, so people are dissatisfied with the economy… because it would be so good if the market crashed again, and they got a house for cheap? Don’t build new housing that would depreciate the value of my already-owned home? It would be okay if things were worse for someone else if they were okay for me, right? Anyway, I’m clearly being a downer today. LET’S GET INTO WHAT WILL SURELY BE A CHEERFUL NEWSBLAST!

IN LOCAL NEWS:
• This morning’s weather shade comes courtesy of Fox 12 KPTV. “A very weak weather system moved inland, and two more follow tomorrow and Thursday,” read a tweet from the weather team. “The heaviest rain this week is expected tomorrow morning. Then light showers on Thursday and a mainly dry day on Friday.” This is useful info, but I also like the idea of the person interpreting the meteorological report, angrily typing: WEAK WEATHER SYSTEM.

• Fun fact: Our local FOX station might be located within the great web of the all powerful FOX corp, but KATU is actually the Sinclair station in town. As we move into election season, it’s important to know where your Sinclair stations are.

• This week we had our very own, local version of 1994’s Speed… if the emergency was medical, and the driver was concerned for a rider’s health—not a stressed-out Sandra Bullock. On New Year’s Eve, Portland Fire and Rescue responded to a bus driver’s 911 call. One of his passengers was in medical distress. When PF&R arrived there were no ambulances available to help the passenger, so the bus driver drove the patient to the emergency room on that very bus. Although this is titled “unlikely heroism,” I maintain that bus drivers are some of our society’s great, everyday helpers.

• But about those ambulances! KOIN’s Elise Haas reported on the county’s ongoing paramedic shortage last week in this longer look at the county’s response time dilemma.

• There’s some interesting stuff going down this week—and it’s a nice mix between not being overwhelming and still being pretty neat. Space Lady is playing at the Hollywood. And due to David Bowie’s birthday being January 8, there’s a lot of Bowie-themed events on the docket. Check out the Mercury‘s EverOut calendar team round-up of “Top 28 Events in Portland This Week.”

IN NATIONAL / INTERNATIONAL NEWS:
• At this time, there are 62 reported deaths, due to the 7.6 seismic earthquake that shook western Japan’s Ishikawa and Niigata prefectures on Monday. In an unrelated (though sort of related because one of the planes was delivering aid) disaster, a Japan Airlines passenger plane crashed into a Japanese Coast Guard plane, also on Monday. Five crew members aboard the Japanese Coast Guard craft died in the crash. Somewhat miraculously, all 367 passengers and 12 crew members of the passenger plane survived.

• A key Hamas strategist, Saleh al-Arouri, died in an explosion in Beirut on Tuesday. Some news outlets are throwing around the word “assassination,” but others (that I have more respect for) have thus far abstained. The Times reports that “Israel has not taken responsibility for his killing.”

• In November, as Israel’s military forces began a ground invasion into the Gaza Strip, Al-Shifa Hospital became a site of international investigation and calls to arms. Israeli Defense Forces claimed Hamas agents were hiding within the 45,000-square-meter hospital complex, but it was also the area’s largest hospital and operating as a refuge to fleeing and injured people in the area. The New York Times remained unconvinced that a tunnel the IDF showed them was related to Hamas’ terrorist organization. However, yesterday, the New York Times  reported that US spy agencies believe Hamas “used the hospital complex and and sites beneath it.” US intelligence didn’t provide any visual evidence, so people are gonna continue to believe what they want to believe, but the Times has held a pretty hard line on its skepticism about that hospital, so this seemed worth noting.

• Harvard president Claudine Gay resigned Tuesday:

• Y’know? We don’t have time to get into how much I approve of “towel on head is shorthand for women” in the funny video universe these days (it’s about as silly as gender is). But it’s nice to have Dave Jorgenson back on the Washington Post TikTok—aaaand I’m sure some of you will hate-relish / feel disturbed by this list of shit Lauren Bobert did lately?

@washingtonpost

Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-Colo.) is switching congressional districts ahead of the 2024 election, a surprise move that means she will avoid a likely rematch against the Democrat she narrowly beat last year. The decision gives Republicans a stronger chance at holding on to Colorado’s 3rd District as they fight to keep their House majority next year and lets the hard-right firebrand run in a more conservative area, the 4th District on the opposite side of the state. Congressional candidates aren’t required to live in the districts they represent, but Boebert, who was first elected to Congress in 2020, said she would move to the 4th next year and “proudly represent” it. She is from Silt, in Colorado’s mountainous northwest, hundreds of miles from the 4th’s boundaries.

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Suzette Smith is the arts & culture editor of the Portland Mercury. Go ahead and tell her about all your food, art, and culture gripes: suzette@portlandmercury.com. Follow her on Twitter, Bluesky,...