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Good Morning, Portland! It's Friday, so let's turn on comments—in just this post—for general discussion. (Don't make me regret this.) Real ones will do it right; you know I want: DISCUSS THE NEWS IN ALL CAPS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:
• Nothing says hot, stinky summer like a corpse flower, and it appears that Washington State University’s is on the verge of a rare third bloom in as many years. According to the university, "the frequency of its flowering is exceedingly rare, as mature plants typically flower every four to six years." As tradition dictates, they've set up a corpse flower livestream, so fans can monitor the bloom and plan their visit for maximum stink.

• Portland Fire & Rescue put down a 4-alarm fire at Schnitzer Steel's Radius Recycling facility on Wednesday, which should not be confused with the debris fire they put out there in May. It may be acceptable to think about these two incidents together in regards to the plumes of smoke that covered North Portland.

• It's a little weird that Port of Portland has ads turned on for this promo video PAID FOR WITH MY TAX DOLLARS about the Portland International Airport grand unveiling PAID FOR WITH MY TAX DOLLARS. Still, that's very pretty.

• This week's Pop Quiz PDX tests "how much you know about swimming in Portland, celebrities born in Portland, and hell-mouths in Portland parks!" TEST UR MIGHT.

• Republicans in Oregon's legislature are demanding Gov. Kotek remove the executive director of Oregon's chiropractic board Cass McLeod-Skinner after she allegedly reposted a joke about Saturday's assassination attempt of former President Trump. The retweet was spread widely by unreliable narrators Libs of TikTok and according to the Oregonian "contained sexual innuendo that conveyed disappointment about 'two inches,' suggesting but not stating explicitly a desire that the would-be assassin had aimed more accurately." You can read the letter here. 

.• Portland Thorns player Sophia Smith will not only represent the US at the 2024 Olympic summer games on the US Women’s National Team... she'll also represent Gatorade. Nice.

IN NATIONAL / INTERNATIONAL NEWS:
• An update misfire / failed meet-cute between cybersecurity company CrowdStrike and... uh... computers running Windows caused canceled flights, airport chaos, issues with 911 dispatch, glitches in Britain’s National Health Service, among many other headaches. CrowdStrike has released a patch but the company's chief executive warned it culd be a while before systems returned to normal. Apple and Linux are fine.

• In the aftermath of the assassination attempt on former US president Donald Trump, plenty have tried to attach meaning to the violent and murderous act. Did the attempt mean people should tone down calling a Trump second term an "existential threat?" Was the shooter a lib? WELL, according to a report the FBI gave Congress on Wednesday, the gunman's phone contained searches for both the location of the Democratic National Convention and also upcoming nearby Trump appearances. Seems like he really could have gone either way with his attempted murder, a sentiment often found at the core of the American Experiment.

• Also in conspiracy debunking, New York Times photographer Doug Mills did not need to be in on a conspiratorial plot to snap a detailed image of a bullet passing by Trump. Photojournalist Nathan Howard pointed out that it's a pretty common speed / frames per second setting to use.

 • Even as investigators try to find some shred of the would-be assasin's motive, I have enjoyed catching up on assassin history this week. According to history professor Jonathan L. Earle on a recent episode of Front Burner, the stretch of time between the attempted assassination of Ronald Reagan in 1981 and the attempt on Trump's life last Saturday was "the longest period in American history where a bullet has not been directed towards a president"—43 years. It's also fascinating that John Hinckley Jr. (Reagan's attempted assassin) was motivated by a delusional desire to get then 18-year-old actress Jodie Foster to notice him. Similarly, when saloonkeeper John Schrank attempted to kill Theodore Roosevelt in 1912 he did it because he believed the ghost of the previous president William McKinley came to him in a dream and told him to do so. WHAT IF IT'S ALL CHAOS? What if there isn't any meaning? What if—in the face of human tendency towards delusion and aggression—even having any system of laws / any government / any social contract is a miracle that borders on proof of god? What I'm saying here is don't give up, Roosevelt lost that reelection bid.

• Comedian Bob Newhart has died at age 94. Newhart deployed a deadpan style of humor on many eponymous variety shows and sitcoms from the '70s until well into the '90s. Never gone from TV for long, younger audiences will still recognize him as Professor Proton on Big Bang Theory.

• Starting yesterday, hashtags #maga and #trump2024 appear on Twitter with little pro-Trump flair, which has always been dorky as hell. 

• When I post this meme, I am proposing these two figureheads faked their deaths and are doing whatever they want, alive but no longer in our hair. Is it illegal to say I want US presidents to go away? IT IS? Well, ****.