Gonzalez uses your money to clean up his shitty reputation. Credit: Gonzalez Twitter Account

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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Wake up—it’s time to think about SEX. In particular the Mercury‘s Sex Survey, which you can fill out right now because it’s fun, horny, and delicious, and the HUMP! 2024 film festival which is debuting in just a couple weeks, and you’re going to feel silly (and un-horny) if you forget to snag tickets before it sells out! (Phew. Thinking about SEX is exhausting. Let’s think about NEWS for a bit! 😃)

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Yesterday evening, Multnomah County officials declared a weather state of emergency—due to predictions of snow and ice in the east side of the county—which triggered the opening of four warming shelters in the Southeast Portland area, and extra beds at the year-round Market Street Shelter. These shelters may remain open if the weather continues to worsen. Weather warnings continue for the Gorge and Cascades. 

• How it started:

• How it’s going:

• How it ended:

• For those who are furious about the finger-wagging nay-sayers who are trying to torpedo Measure 110, please take a look at this barnburner of a story that lays much of the measure’s woes at the feet of the very legislators who are now trying to walk it back. This measure, which would’ve stopped the failed “war on drugs” in its tracks, was hamstrung by Oregon’s own political leaders and bureaucrats who failed to deliver necessary legislation and help that would’ve assisted law enforcement in getting life-saving services into the hands of those who needed it.

• Police raided two Northeast Portland empty lots yesterday that have housed more than 60 people, after reports of two recent shootings on the property. The cops say they ticketed 30 for trespassing and referred them to services, and arrested 12, while around 20 others fled.

• Tough news for Portland Public Schools: Superintendent Guadalupe Guerrero announced yesterday that the district will somehow need to cut a whopping $30 million from next year’s budget following last year’s teacher strike and a loss of federal aid following the pandemic. While Guerrero said that half of the cuts would come from the central office, with the rest spread out among schools, some teachers suspect cuts may come at the expense of social and emotional support systems for students, including counselors and behavioral specialists.

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• A judge has set a trial date of March 25 for Trump’s first criminal case, for which he’s charged with paying hush money to Stormy Daniels in the run-up to the 2016 election. The trial is expected to last six weeks, and to the surprise of no one, Trump’s defense attorney is trying to slow-roll the proceedings. Meanwhile, a hearing is underway in Georgia over whether or not Trump’s prosecutor in his election interference case, Fani Williams, could be disqualified due to having a relationship with the lead prosecutor in the case.

• One person was killed and at least 21 were injured in the nation’s latest horrific mass shooting—this one at a rally following the celebratory parade for the Super Bowl-winning Kansas City Chiefs. This happened despite the fact that more than 800 police officers (!) were stationed nearby. Three suspects have been taken into custody, and the victims include 11 children who were among the injured, as well as the death of beloved Kansas City DJ Lisa Lopez-Galvan.

• A private US company successfully launched a lunar lander this morning ahead of what will hopefully be a human mission to the moon down the road. Fun fact: A critical component in this lunar lander is wrapped in Omni-Heat Infinity material made by our own Columbia Sportswear that they use in their ski jackets. (And yes, this will be a featured question in my upcoming Pop Quiz PDX later this morning. Aren’t you glad you read this??)

• You can take this with a grain of salt, but Russian President (and Trump puppeteer) Vladimir Putin said in an interview that he actually prefers Biden over his former marionette, due to the current president’s “experience” and “predictability.” [Insert Lucille Bluth’s sloooow wink here.]

• And finally… when Mayor Wheeler orders downtown workers to return to their office buildings.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)