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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! If you’re peeping early morning clouds out your window, those are gonna roll away this afternoon to make way for sunny skies and a high of 80 degrees… and it will most likely bump up to 83 tomorrow! (So don’t put away those booty shorts and “wife pleaser” tees just yet.) And now? Let’s settle in for some wife-pleasing NEWS.
IN LOCAL NEWS:
• Parents… at least some of you… get ready to potentially lose your got-damned minds, because last night Portland Public Schools (PPS) released the names of up to 14 schools that could be on the chopping block thanks to budget concerns, as well as several program and boundary changes. PPS came up with two scenarios to pitch to board members tonight, and Superintendent Kimberlee Armstrong will give her recommendation for which plan she prefers in November, with a final board vote by the end of the year. The elementary schools that could be closed in the first scenario include Buckman, Creston, Marysville, Woodmere and Lewis in Southeast Portland (along with Sellwood Middle School); Maplewood and Stephenson in the Southwest section of the city; Irvington, Rose City Park and Sabin in Northeast; and Beach, James John, and Peninsula in the northern quadrant. This plan would also include 38 boundary changes. Under the second plan only 11 schools would be closed, which would include all the above institutions except for Stephenson, Lewis, and Rose City Park. This scenario would include 34 boundary changes. (All of the currently threatened schools, except for Buckman, have a majority of students of color. Ooof.) The reason behind the closures, PPS says, is due to falling enrollment, skyrocketing operational costs, and of course, that $65 million budget hole that’s expected in the next school year. The Portland Association of Teachers (PAT) had their statement locked and loaded following the PPS announcement, saying that “Closing, consolidating, and transforming programs at over 25 schools is a dramatic change,” and that there needs to be a lot more input from the community before taking such drastic measures. Parents, you have been informed—and now, let the shit storm commence.
• A protest broke out at venerable Central Eastside restaurant, Clarklewis, on Sunday after it was discovered that the eatery was hosting a large group of alleged Christian white supremacists during brunch. (It’s hard to imagine white supremacists drinking mimosas… but on the other hand, maybe it’s not weird at all and should be expected?) According to one of Clarklewis’ owners, Joe Rogers, protesters got wind of the gathering of roughly 40 people, and after demonstrating for a bit, broke a window and some glassware. Rogers denies they knew that the group were alleged white supremacists when they accepted the reservation. The gathering, who Rogers identified as the “Oregon Group”—though there’s no obvious information about such an organization online—reportedly were handing out pamphlets to other diners, and the protesters scattered when police arrived on the scene. Rogers also said Clarklewis would be donating the $1,700 they received from the alleged supremacists to an unspecified charity.
• Blazers ownership are sticking by their decision not to rehire announcer Braiden Bell, after he and his lawyer asked for him to be reinstated. Bell was hired and summarily fired last week after KGW hurriedly published racial and offensive tweets that the announcer wrote when he was 15 years old, in order to get a scoop. “Braiden is not asking anyone to excuse what he wrote,” Bell’s lawyer, Arnie Herz, said. “He has owned it, without excuses. What he is asking is whether a boy’s words from fourteen years ago should outweigh everything the man has done since. If that is the standard, there is hardly a person in any organization in America who could meet it.” However, the Blazers owners are not buying it, and are standing by their decision to fire him, telling The Athletic, “We wish Mr. Bell the best.”
• CALLING ALL WRASSLIN’ FANS! The climactic final match at DOA Pro Wrestling’s Queen of Thorns tournament—a yearly event featuring an all woman and non-binary line-up—was a thrilling evening of femme-led sports and entertainment that had the crowd inside Morrison Market on their feet, while shouting, chanting, and pounding their fists on the ring’s apron. But more notably, the match exemplified inclusivity in the ring, backstage, and in the crowd. Riley McCarthy has the story for the Mercury, and Franny Crocker supplies the awesome pics.
• Love drinking vino? Well, grabbing a glass of wine at Rubato Studio feels like you’re sitting in a friend’s living room—which is exactly what owners Kenzie Bindrup Fae and Sam Traver Fae intended. The duo started pouring out of their new tasting room in the industrial Central Eastside in early September. Their intent is to introduce people to their wines, but their focus is on approachability. Caitlin Pangares has all the deets on this inviting new drinkery.
• And despite the icky accompanying photo of barefoot grape stomping—seriously, VOMIT—this week’s Do This, Do That calendar has soooo much awesome stuff for you to do over the next seven days. This includes lots of pre-Halloween events (such as slasher and vampire films, as well as a haunted corn maze), details on Portland TextileX Month, and John Wilson’s new documentary. But please for the love of god, keep your shoes on. Nobody wants to see those dogs.
IN NATIONAL AND WORLD NEWS:
• Say hello to America’s newest media monopoly, Skydance—the unholy marriage of Paramount and Warner Bros. Discovery which was confirmed today, and is owned by tech mogul David Ellison. The merger will bring major streaming services underneath one umbrella, including HBO Max, Paramount +, and Pluto TV, as well as news organizations such as CNN and CBS News, and major franchises such as the DC Universe, Harry Potter, and Star Trek. To keep this new behemoth afloat, Ellison announced he’ll be making roughly $6 billion in cuts over the next three years, which will undoubtedly result in thousands of employees losing their jobs. But just think! It’ll be so much easier for people to watch the newest shitty Flash movie.
• Faculty members at Cornell University have submitted a resolution of “no confidence” regarding the administration’s handling of an alleged 2024 gang rape at one of the school’s fraternity houses. After being called on by students, who say they haven’t felt safe at the school for years, faculty members are speaking out on the botched investigation, and demanding systemic change. The resolution was spurred on by a 2024 accusation from a student known as Jane Doe, who says she was surreptitiously given ketamine, booze, and weed and then sexually assaulted by seven current and former students. The resolution is expected to be considered by the faculty senate on October 14.
• Bad news for Trump and his Republican cronies: A brand new New York Times-Siena College poll indicate that, not only is the president more unpopular now than he’s ever been, between 9 and 16 percent of people who are likely to vote for Republicans are currently favoring the Democratic nominee in five battleground states, including Alaska, Iowa, Kansas, Ohio and Texas. That promises a potential blue wave that could tip the balance of power in November—but as always, tap those emotional brakes, because polling can be inaccurate… particularly because it doesn’t count the millions of silent Republicans who claim they’re against the evil mandate of Trump, and yet vote for his minions anyway. But for now, good news is good news, right?
• Former television evangelist and jail bird, Jim Bakker of the famous PTL Ministry, has died at the age of 86. Bakker, along with mascara-streaked wife Tammy Faye Baker, bilked millions of gullible Christians during the height of their popularity during the ‘70s and ‘80s, imploring people to follow Christ while giving him enough money to buy a bounty of riches. According to the New York Times, these riches included “a 55-foot houseboat, a mini-fleet of Mercedes-Benzes and Rolls-Royces, diamonds and gold jewelry, gold-plated bathroom fixtures, an air-conditioned dog kennel,” and lots more. He was later sent to prison after using church funds to cover up the alleged rape of a woman, which led one of his hypocritical competitors, the evil Jerry Falwell, to call Bakker, “the greatest scab and a cancer on the face of Christianity in 2,000 years of church history.” Hey, it takes one to know one.
• And finally… today may all the right people walk into your fart cloud.
