MONDAY, APRIL 17
Happy Easter, everybody—that lovely time when Christians celebrate their favorite bedtime story about their favorite friendly zombie! (Say what you will about the Bible, dears—at least it’s more entertaining than the last few seasons of The Walking Dead. SNORE.) So… let’s check in on America’s Easter tradition—the White House Easter Egg Roll! “Last year’s White House Easter Egg Roll featured a surprise visit from Beyoncé; athletes from the NBA and Washington Redskins; and a performance by actress and singer Idina Menzel,” writes Politico’s Nancy Cook. “This year, the big act for the Trump administration is the Martin Family Circus, a six-person family band from Nashville that’s driving up to DC for the annual event in an RV.” Despite that phenomenal booking, attendance this year plummeted—with inept press secretary Sean Spicer (who, #neverforget, used to be the sweaty dipshit inside the Easter Bunny suit at these things) admitting that the White House expected only 21,000 attendees… just a touch short of last year’s 37,000. MEANWHILE… Oh, you thought we were done talking about the White House’s stupid egg party? Not even, as AOL News reports that during the festivities the White House accidentally Snapchatted a “We miss Obama” sign—one that was “presumably written by a child.” Out of the mouths of babes, dears. Out of the mouths of babes.