May your June/July be as beautiful as you are, but not as hot, because that would be too hot.
Gossip
YOUR SUNDAY READING LIST: Biz Alliance Power Grab, Portland Invests Big Climate $$$, and Why Your Threesomes Don’t Work Out
GOOD MORNING, SUNDAY! It’s the perfect time to catch up on some of the great reporting and stories the Mercury churned out this week! (PRO TIP: If you despise being “the last to know,” then be one of the first to know by signing up for Mercury newsletters! All the latest stories shipped directly to […]
THE TRASH REPORT: Goodbye Boris, Hello Gentleminions!
Hello everyone, and welcome to another edition of THE TRASH REPORT! I am Elinor Jones, also known as several raccoons in a trench coat, here to walk you through some of the nonsense we call life. Remember, when there where only two footprints on the beach, that’s because we laid down; those footprints were someone […]
Courts! Cruises! Crackers! COVID!
Love boating or cruising for a bruising? designprojects / iStock / Getty Images Plus Hi everyone, and welcome to another edition of The Trash Report! It’s me, Elinor Jones, first and foremost offering my most sincere congratulations on surviving another week. It’s…grim. BREAKING: in a landmark 6-3 decision the Supreme Court has ruled Americans can […]
The Supreme Court BAD! Timberlake BAD! Chocolate Milk GOOD!!!!!
Expect an apology for these pants in 3… 2…. Pascal Le Segretain / Getty Images Hiyeeeee! Itโs me Elinor Jones, the gal whose dexterity with the gossip rivals only the dexterity of raccoons when theyโre opening up a jar. (In case you didn’t know, raccoons are skilled at opening jars. Also, did you know that […]
Cursed Real Estate, Fake Money, Himbo Ken, and More!
Come on Barbie, let’s go party… once I rip off my sleeves. Carlos Alvarez / Getty Images Hi everyone, and welcome back to THE TRASH REPORT, where we will talk about some garbage-y things in a smart way, and some smart things in a garbage way. It’s up to YOU to determine what’s what. Flip […]
Wholesome Activities, Creepy Sedition, and It’s Britney’s Wedding, Bitch
Would you buy this romance novel at a grocery store? Yes, you would. Kevin Winter / Getty Images Hello friends, lovers, and those I’ve yet to categorize, and welcome to another edition of THE TRASH REPORT! Let’s roll around in it together like dogs do when they find something gross on the beach, then smell […]
Long Live the Queen (of England) and the Queens (Lesbian Foxes)!
Could a dead person do this? [does not move or blink or breathe] WPA Pool / Pool / Getty Images Europe Hello, and welcome to another week of garbage with me, Elinor Jones, your human raccoon with hot tips on all the stankiest dumpsters. Wanna go for a ride? Well, you’re going. Sports! Portland basketball […]
Ray Liotta, Shakira, and Colossal Cocks
Hips donโt lieโbut Shakiraโs accountants do. John Moore / Getty Images Hi everyone, and welcome to another week of garbage. And wow, what a week. Really one of the worst I can recall, and that’s saying something, because the times? They are bad. And as the nation is grieving another massacre of children by users […]
We’re Paying Attention to Julia Fox, Hot Model Yumi Nu, and the World’s Best Big Mac-Eatin’ Wisconsin Man
“Oh, I didn’t see you standing there, and I don’t want your attention AT ALL” is what Julia Fox (left) likely said here. A’Ziah (right) King is perfect and we have no complaints. Rodin Eckenroth/Getty Images Hi everyone, and welcome to another edition of The Trash Report! They say sunlight is the best disinfectant andโboy […]
Good Rescues, Bad Moms, and Bras That Are Clothes
If you like Ariana Grande in this dress, youโll *love* her in less! Robin Marchant / Getty Images Entertainment Welcome, friends, to another edition of The Trash Report. I am three racoons standing on each otherโs shoulders in a trench coat, also known as Elinor Jones. Times areโas usualโbad, but I’ve dumpster-dived some winners this […]
Pizza Entitlement, Fancy Dresses, and Why Voting Doesn’t Matter (Except When It Does, Like NOW)
Reality star gets more attention. Great work, everyone. Mike Coppola / Getty Images Entertainment Hi everyone, and welcome back to The Trash Report, where I sift through some really very dark and depressing news to bring you a few juicy odds and ends and then add my cute commentary to hopefully bring a little bit […]
