The Trash Report

Hello, and welcome to another Trash Report! Tis I, Elinor Jones. I am so happy that the wildfire smoke cleared up, aren’t you? I hate when the end times are so noticeable. Better to have blue skies with all that apocalypse on the other side of a mountain range, I say! Without all that looming […]

[Hello Trash Pandas! It’s me, Elinor Jones, writing to you from a brief sabbatical. I’m sorry, but I have to rest my one puny brain cell from time to time or this whole damn system falls apart. I’ll be back soon to gossip all about living legends, dying senators, and everything in between. Until then, […]

Hello, and welcome to the Trash Report! I’m Elinor Jones and I’m so glad you’re here. My birthday was over the weekend, so you reading this right now is akin to singing me “Happy Birthday”—as in it’s a brief spell of attention that will make both of us feel good. But instead of enjoying cake, […]

Hello, Trash Pandas! Welcome back to the Trash Report. I’m Elinor Jones, coming in hot, as in, it is hot outside, and I am hot. I am an Oregonian and I get whiny when the temperature falls outside of my preferred 45-75 degree range. (Climate change has made me more unbearable than usual, which is […]

Hello, and welcome to another Trash Report! I’m your girl, Elinor Jones. You’ll notice that this edition is exceptionally queer, and that is because it will appear in our upcoming printed Queer Issue. Look for it on newstands (do we still have those?) soon! And you may be wondering, “Elinor, I am not queer, will […]

Hello, Trash Pandas! Welcome to another Trash Report. I am the garbage mother, Elinor Jones, here to regale you with gossip and the news. Or rather, my thoughts on gossip and the news, which are much more fun. Pour some sparkling water into that chardonnay and add a couple of ice cubes to keep her […]

Hello, Trash Pandas! Welcome to another Trash Report. I’m your girl Elinor Jones, coming to you with this extra ~musical~ edition of steaming hot gossip. So like, pretend I’m singing to you. For context, I’m not a very good singer, but I do care a lot, which is very similar to what you’ll get with […]

Hello, and welcome to another Trash Report! I’m Elinor Jones and it’s so nice to see all of you with what limited vision I have remaining after rubbing my itchy eyes shut in this glorious springtime that is trying to kill me. The next time Democrats have power (IF, lol) they should legalize marriage between […]

Hello, trash panda baby angels, and welcome to another Trash Report. I am Elinor Jones, back from Spring Break vacation and ready to make “person who has been to Japan” into my entire personality. But as much as I enjoyed being away, I have also enjoyed diving back into everything that I missed and immediately […]

Hello Trash Pandas, and welcome to another Trash Report! I’m Elinor Jones. I’ve gotta make this part short because there’s a lot of shit going down and if I don’t make you giggle about all of it I will simply fade away, Tinkerbell-style. Let’s go.  The People’s Columns In his ongoing rampage to remake the country […]

Hello, hello! Time for another Trash Report. I’m Elinor Jones. The human world—it’s a mess. If we don’t make fun of it I think we become complacent in it? Or at least apathetic. And I, for one, prefer to be regular pathetic, thank you very much. Let’s gossip! Hail to the Rash Donald Trump started […]