It’s wrong to celebrate the failures of others… unless, of course, they’re Donald Trump supporters! According to Deadspin, an American boxer by the name of Rod Salka fought Mexican fighter Francisco Vargas tonight… and why should you care? Because Salka wore a pair of “America 1st” shorts, decorated to look like a brick wall. (Even ignoring the anti-immigrant rhetoric, they looked horrific.) However, you’ll be happy to learn that Mexico’s Vargas mercilessly pounded this hateful and poorly dressed butthole for seven rounds until Salka eventually quit the fight in disgrace. (Just like Trump will do in say… three months, we hope?) MEANWHILE... As we know, the Trump administration is in near-constant chaos, with the Prez either firing or chasing off a large portion of his staff. But their misery doesn’t end there—because as it turns out, no one wants to hire an icky former Trump loyalist. According to Buzzfeed, many companies are simply refusing to hire people formerly employed by the Trump White House “because of the ‘reputational risk’ associated with it.” YESSSSSSSS. Enjoy the unemployment line, choads!
Here’s a tweet you don’t want to hear from a president right before he launches missiles at Syria: “James Comey is a proven LEAKER & LIAR!” To the heavy sighs of everyone, Trump spent much of today rage-tweeting at the world after hearing choice selections from the fired FBI director’s new book, A Higher Loyalty. “He is an untruthful slimeball,” Trump tweet-screeched, “who was, as time has proven, a terrible Director of the FBI.” So, what kind of “untruthful slimeball” remarks did Comey make? Other than pointing out that the president appears “slightly orange with bright half-moons under his eyes” (yeah, we noticed), and that he’s “unethical and untethered to truth” (yep, knew that too), Comey didn’t dismiss the existence of the holy grail of the Trump investigation: THE PEE TAPE. In fact, Comey says that the president asked him to disprove the Steele dossier’s accusation of an alleged golden showers party that included Trump, a bunch of sex workers, and at least one of Russia’s blackmail cameras. In short, Comey’s book doesn’t hold many surprises. So if we were Trump, instead of Twitter-screaming, we’d take a subtler approach, like, “Hey James! Thanks again for helping me beat Crooked Hillary. Cool book! They should get Bull from Night Court to play you in the movie!”