Amazing, yes, but they lost any chance of me believing this was real with the "altar of 3 Doors Down" and each of those first three requirements. "No hipster mustaches, even if they look good from multiple angles". No way.

Guitar players are dime a fucking dozen. If you play bass, you'll always have a gig. I'm too mature for these knuckleheads, don't pack around excessively heavy gear, and am arguably not that great, anyway, but I wouldn't gig with them unless they paid me up front.

Good to see that conservative Canadian Christians appreciate a good titty flash.

Can we all "worship at the altar of 3 Doors Down"???

I mean, their penne vodka with italian sausage is really, really good.

oh...wait.

If I was a bass player, I'd grow a mustache just to ensure I didn't end up in that band.