1. NW Dance Project Flex Card

After years of running and avoiding cross-training, I started taking ballet last spring in a quixotic attempt to recapture a childhood dream. Ballet has taught me to stand up straight after 30 years of nonstop slouching and leaning, it allows me to forget everything else in the world for 75 minutes because it’s so physically and mentally demanding, AND it’s my only chance to pretend I’m in the corps de ballet in the finale of Swan Lake, dancing away into some fucking mist with my swan girl gang while an inadequate prince faints with grief in the corner (this is really how that ballet ends). I’m not very coordinated, but I AM a pretty good leaper, my dégagés rule, and my sous-sus is on point (get it? OMG, SORRY). Ballet is extremely satisfying. It’s also not cheap. I would like for a generous patron of the arts to subsidize my dance habit so I can go twice a week. Won’t you think of the 30-year-old women finally living out their dance goals? Thanks! I take classes at NW Dance Project! NW Dance Project, 211 NE 10th, nwdanceproject.org, $150 for 10 classes

2. Tickets to Hamilton

Look, I really want to see Hamilton. It was created by Lin-Manuel Miranda, who believes in democracy, creates theater that centers on people of color in an industry that is VERY white, and like me, is a West Wing superfan. (See: Miranda’s West Wing SONG, “What’s Next?” It contains lyrics like “I’M TOBY ZIEGLER WITH THE DROP-IN / WHAT KIND OF DAY HAS IT BEEN?” *faints*) Unfortunately, when Hamilton FINALLY comes to Portland in the spring of 2018, most seats will cost an arm and a leg—an outrage that runs directly counter to the play’s messages about equality and duty. Rude! I will probably go in for the $10 ticket lottery, but it would be nice to be guaranteed admittance. I’m a politics nerd. Hamilton is my sports. I’ll probably cry. Let me just have this one thing, okay? Broadway in Portland, broadwayinportland.com, $10-500

3. Wild Feminist T-Shirt

I don’t know about you, but it’s a particularly fraught time to be a feminist journalist right now, what with all the men lining up to ask if sexual harassment is indeed really so common! Gentlemen, it is. But I’m sick of answering this question, and my tolerance for Men Who Don’t Get It, which has always been low, has officially hit zero. Still, they somehow find me, whether online or IRL, and assume that I will somehow entertain their views that women aren’t people. Reader, I will not. I want a visual litmus test that I can wear around so that men who have horrible political opinions won’t talk to me, a fashion statement that telegraphs messages like “I may look nice but I am a goddamn harpy,” or “Triflers need not apply,” or “The world of men does not deserve me.” Wildfang’s iconic “Wild Feminist” T-shirt will do. Size small, please. Wildfang, 1230 SE Grand, 404 SW 10th, wildfang.com, $40

4. OLO Fragrances

The older I get, the more I appreciate nice smells. From my mom’s Yohji Yamamoto or Bvlgari, to the secret cool old-lady scent every French woman seems to be in on (it’s not Chanel No. 5, but WHAT IS IT), to my college BFF’s devotion to Egyptian Goddess, I respect the hell out of a signature scent, and I want my own. But while I’m a frequent visitor to Sephora’s wall of perfumes and colognes, I am also a noted migraineur, so I need something with fewer words that end in “dehyde” on the ingredient list. Enter Portland’s own OLO Fragrance. Their fragrances are made of only essential oils, coconut oil, and “key accords and absolutes” without the artificial stuff. They also come in an array of wonderful olfactory experiences, like Violet / Leather, Cedar & Rose, and Dafne, which sounds like springtime in a bottle. Spritz, spritz! OLO Fragrances, 1407 SE Belmont, olofragrance.com, $45 for 9 mL

5. And I Think You Should Donate to... Western States Center

If you thought you’d get through this wish list without me telling you to support reproductive rights this holiday season, you’re mistaken! More than anything on this list, what I really want for Christmas is the same thing I wish for every year: respect, equity, and dignity for women and nonbinary people near and far. A big part of that is maintaining access to abortion, because if we can’t control if and when we choose to parent, none of our other freedoms really matter. This holiday season, I would like for you to donate to the Western States Center, which was instrumental in the passage of Oregon’s Reproductive Health Equity Act and integrates advocacy for gender equity with related work for racial and economic justice. Hell yeah! westernstatescenter.org