Are you making any resolutions this year? I’m still working on mine for 2013, but I would like to note that my New Year’s resolution for 2012 was to learn how to roller skate backwards and I DID IT, MOTHER-EFFERS! (Not sure why I’m so super proud/annoyingly aggressive about that.) Anyway, what are your New Year’s resolutions for 2013, if anything?
Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.) More by Wm. Steven Humphrey
Craft a Grammy-winning song made up entirely of autotuned queefing.
Also, keeping it classy in the new year.
Dear Todd,
Other than the part about Grammy-winning, doesn’t that describe most of the usual Top-40?
I don’t make New Years’ resolutions. That way there is no disappointment or pressure.
Mine is to not blow it when women show interest in me, cause I did that TWICE IN 2012!!! AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!! (I wasn’t sure what category that belonged in, so I put it under “learn how to roller skate backwards.”)
Gonna keep my pubic patch in snazzier shape and try to blackout less–while rollerskating backwards!
I’ve been trying to only buy things made in the USA. Not so easy. I’m looking at you, Fred Meyer