I swear the following was not a submission for HUMP! (but it could’ve been). Behold the Shake Weight! If you’ve been looking for a way to build up those muscles that are desperately needed in today’s competitive gay porn industry, then the Shake Weight is for you! (Actually, the only thing keeping this from being a perfect product is if it squirted Gatorade at the end of the workout.)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=HpXPCJUC2Kw%26hl%3Den%26fs%3D1%26

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)