Look. I’m happy that you and your family have found a way to entertain yourselves—and sure, it’s funny… at first. But when you ask the kid to “kiss the monkey”? That reminds me WAY too much of the time my Uncle Raymond told me he had a baby giraffe hiding inside his pants.

Cut… it… out.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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