This has got to be the most horrifying birthday message to a three-year old I’ve ever heard. (BTW, Zoriadon? Do NOT, NOT, NOT show up at the corner of Broadway and Pearl! That’s not “Paradise” he’ll be taking you to!)
Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.) More by Wm. Steven Humphrey
If I was a 3 year old and saw this apparition coming at me, I would either crap my pants or run away screaming, or maybe both. That is one scary dude.