Fun ruiners everywhere will relate to this angry tale of woe as we head into the most heavily costumed week of the year:
Dearest Halloween party-throwers—Go eff yourself! Yeah, you’re right, I showed up to your crappy little party without a costume. Sorry if I just caused the universe to end and ruined any chance for you to have fun. Sorry if you can’t wrap your head around the idea that maybe, just maybe, your party wasn’t my number-one priority this week. Sorry I have a busy fucking life! “Where’s my cape?!”… I wore my “cape” all week, actually—you costume Nazi—except instead of wrapping it around my neck, I wrapped it around my waist and called it an “apron” so I could serve assholes like you food and alcohol till late at night at my second job. You ever hear of a 13-hour work day?! Well you might want to pull your painted face out of your tights-covered ass and learn to relax—it’s Halloween and you are damn-near 30 years old. So quit your pouting and calling me out to everyone else, as if I am tearing down some fourth wall. They don’t care, either!
Halloween: It’s a class thing.
Shit-faced tonight/You’ll brag about it for months/Remember what I did/Remember what I was/Back on Halloween
–Dead Kennedys
Sounds like someone needs to get a better job and stop being such a Debby Downer.
“Sorry if you can’t wrap your head around the idea that maybe, just maybe, your party wasn’t my number-one priority this week.”
You should wrap your head around the fact that you’re a pain in the ass, and it sounds like you’re lucky to be invited anywhere.
This reminds me of the one where the I,Anon was so pissed off about giving a wedding gift. If someone invites you to something that makes you feel this mad and petty, have the decency to turn down the invitation.
“You are a real asshole for inviting me to your wedding/party/etc. Don’t you know that it’s a huge fucking burden on me to come to the party you’re throwing? When you decided to put on an event for 100 people, why didn’t you think more about MY needs, and the fact that I don’t like to buy gifts for people? You are selfish dickwad, and I’m going to ruin your party just to teach you a lesson about inviting me to things!”
LAME-ooooooooo
I don’t mind costume parties. Here’s what grinds my gears: birthday parties for 2-year-olds. Someone needs to I, Anonymous that bullshit.
This is why you have an “emergency costume” on hand. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate.
A few times over the last 15 years I wasn’t planning on going out for Halloween, then I’d find out about something at the last minute (eg Pixies tribute band playing at the 1201 Lounge in 1998). I’d throw on my emergency costume and be out the door.
(Duct Tape Man outfit I made in 1995 in case you were wondering. Redundant, sure…but it has bailed me and a few friends out several times)
I have less than no sympathy for whoever this person is. At a dance party, one dances. At a dinner party, one eats. At a Halloween party, one comes nattily attired in the mode of their choosing. They should quit bitching, splash some fake blood on their face, and try to salvage some enjoyment out of their life.
“Tearing down some fourth wall”…was this a party for method actors? Man, when they party, EVERYBODY better be into it! Servers too!
I’m with Joe. If you don’t want to wear a costume then… here’s a thought… don’t go to a costume party. Sounds pretty simple to me.
It is the host’s responsibility to have emergency costumes for unprepared guests. For this guest may I suggest the “douchebag” costume. http://www.amazon.com/Zoogster-Costumes-Do…
or our homemade one a big red balloon and firehose.
Since we started the emergency costume policy we have not had problem with people like this.
For those of you without skill you can always wrap them up as a toilet paper mummy.
I went to a party a few years ago as the only one not dressed up but people thought I was a computer geek. sadface!
Who invited this asshole to their party? Bet the host won’t make that mistake again.