What are you guys doing this Saturday? Ascending to Heaven? No? Okay, then here are some things you can busy yourself with.
Celebrate Non-Judgment Day: Portland’s most fabulous gay face-painters, the Sister of Perpetual Indulgence, are celebrating Non-Judgment Day with a Fatalicious Fashion Show at Crush Bar. You can commit so many deadly sins in one place! Lust, Gluttony, Pride, Envy…
Learn About the Science of Narnia: On the same day as the Rapture, an exhibition about the Chronicles of Narnia will be opening at the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry. Coincidence?! No. I know where the true believers will be. And it’s learning about C.S. Lewis in a science museum.
Participate in Post-Rapture Looting: 298,000 people on Facebook are psyched for the Return of Christ because it will mean free shoes and televisions for all heathens!
Pranks! There is ample opportunity for hilarity. Like this one.
Talk to a Homeless Person: WWJD? He would definitely attend a Q&A at the library with a homeless guy. And he’d bring cookies, I hope.
Stock up for the Big One: I called the Portland Preparedness Store to see if anyone was stocking up on canned bacon and grain mills for the coming Rapture. Employee Jaym Wolf had no idea what I was talking about (“I’m so far out of the Christian loop”) but warned me that instead of May 21st, the day to watch out for is June 15th. That’s when the planets align and will apparently cause another earthquake like the one that recently hit Japan. Wolf says this information has been confirmed by Ramtha, a deity who is 32,000 years older than Jesus Christ. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Only 72 hours to learn how to spell “judgment.”
Here come da Judge.
Jesus Charles, why so freaking judgmental?
But seriously. A lot of this stuff looks truly fun! I can’t wait for the sobering day after when the believers a butt hurt. I’m sure they’ll go to press with a story saying that no one was worthy of being raptured! The justifications for nothing happening will be awesome.
Totally making my bf take me to OMSI.
If I wasn’t up on the mountain doing the ritual to keep the sun shining for the next 5 billion years I would be releasing helium filled blow up dolls near high rise religious old folks homes at 3PM Saturday.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LXuNpF6NVg
I’m the only one who’s going to comment on the phrase “He Is Coming Again” ?
Because I didn’t even know he was IN, yet!
I’m surely glad that OMSI — a science museum — is taking up space to promote Christian fables and the Walt Disney Company. Too bad I’ve never been able to convince them to have any interest in, say, the touring http://www.1001inventions.com/ exhibit to help teach an ignorant U.S. about the Muslim contributions to actual science and industry.
@ Reymont: Everybody knows Jesus has multiple orgasms. Doi.
(I had sex with Jesus twice while writing that last comment. It wasn’t great, but it happened.)
I’m tellin’ you, that Narnia exhibit has centaurs (with swords!). It’s gonna be cool… previously it was at the U.S. Space and Rocket Center: http://www.spacecamp.com/news/node/1914
Is that the same Ramtha from the hilarious documentary What the Bleep Do We Know?