The other day I noted that the Japanese are no longer using technology to elevate humankind—instead they’ve decided to just start fucking with us. There was this horrible thing, and then there was this horrible thing. Now they’ve moved their fucked up technology into the public bathrooms (this one’s in a bar near Tokyo), where giant Sumo heads sing as you urinate and then try to either fellate or cunninlinguisize you. “Cunninglate”? “Cunnilingue”? WHATEVER!!! THIS SHIT IS HORRIFYING!
Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.) More by Wm. Steven Humphrey
Have you ever thought that WE might be the weird ones for NOT making our urinals look like hideous, leering faces or piping in loud, obnoxious music to cover the sound of our spray? Eh? What are you, some kind of ethnocentrist?
The public loo nearest the Japanese Garden should really contain a fiberglass head of Randy Leonard, don’tcha think?
I would pay money to piss in a replica of Randy Leonard’s face. Would actually pay more to piss on the real deal, fundraiser anyone?
@Fruityboots– You can do if for free when he staggers out of Ringside Steakhouse. You really have to pound some drinks to spend $1,083 for four.