Learn to ride the fucking bus! This shit ain't hard. But the last few waves of transplants have been worse than the last when it comes to figuring out how TriMet works. Here are a few tips from someone who's spent the last 2 decades getting around on the system. You could also figure a lot of this out with basic reasoning skills and situational awareness. Alas...

1) When someone's getting off the bus, get out of their way so they can get out the door. I don't know how many mornings I try to get off the bus through the back door only to find some bearded, beanie-wearing chud with headphones staring blankly at me. No, contrary to what is apparently popular belief, I can't phase through your body. We still live in a universe where two objects can't occupy the same physical space at once. Easy solution: get out of the fucking way. Is the bus too crowded? Step out of the back door, hold it so it doesn't close behind you, then hop back on afterward.

2) When it's rush hour and the bus is crowded, take your bag off the fucking seat and let people sit. Seriously, how the fuck does anyone think an inanimate object deserves a bus seat over an actual human being? Get off your antisocial bullshit and make space for folks. Don't want to mix with the rabble? Who the fuck cares! You're riding the bus with the rest of us, so I guarantee you you're not better than us.

3) Give your seat up for older folks, folks with kids, folks with disabilities. If you're able-bodied, get the fuck out of the way for folks who aren't, since getting around this city is godawful enough if you have mobility issues.