Dear "Phallic Photo Text-Message Sender": You sure fooled me with your shy, nice-guy front. When you respectfully approached me in the bar, I did not figure you to be a prick. You were cute when you struck up a conversation, and offered subtle compliments. After our friendly dialogue over a drink, you seemed decent enough to exchange phone numbers with. Thus, imagine my shock when at 3:30 am you sent me a penis-photo surprise. I guess you kicked all subtlety to the curb when you dropped your pants, busted out the camera phone, and aimed it at your cock. Your one grand decision of the night was to snap a picture of your flaccid self—because we all know a photographed erect penis would have been overkill. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoyed a good deal of phallus-inspired laughter. You genitals were a hit, as I shared the "dick pic" with many friends and coworkers. You ever hear someone say, "What ever did we do before cell phones?" Seriously though, right? Imagine how many quarters it would have taken to send your cock through a pay phone. By the way, my phone's inbox is the only place belonging to me that your penis will ever be inside.—Anonymous