Portland, Portland, Portland.

You're so proud of your bike status. You're so proud of your food cards, independent art and all that other indie bullshit.

But where are the real arts? Twice now I've been to the Portland Opera and saw amateurish costumes and sets. Costumes that looked like reject bridesmaid dresses and suits made over from the material. It was pathetic. Our high school production of Oklahoma was better. (The whole point of stage costume is they're cheap but look good from the seats. This is like ancient theater knowledge, like The Scottish Play.) And that Titian exhibit? ONE FUCKING PAINTING? Are you serious PAM?

Oh that one portrait hanging in the hall, PAM? You should get rid of it. It's awful. Dimensions are off and the artist was trolling the subject, it's obvious.

Then, oh god do I feel bad for visitors to our city, how the hell do you hail a cab? Every other city in the world there are masses of them at decent intervals around the city. Find a ramp, probably close by, wait for taxi, profit. Where are ours? In maybe 5 places downtown. Ridiculous. The city really needs to give out some more tags.

Look Portland. I get you're proud of the ground up vibe or whatever but big city amenities (like a good local opera company with professionals behind it) and a well funded art museum are good things. Grow up and stop focusing on kindergarten crafts and bikes