Credit: Kalah Allen

You came over and I insisted we watch Point Break. You hated it. I couldn’t fathom why anyone would hate such a masterpiece—and that’s when I knew it would never work out between us. The flow, the feel, the formula of this movie is beyond reproach. How can you not like it, I asked. Timid in your answer, you said, “I just didn’t get it.” DIDN’T GET IT? What. The. Fuck?!

Who doesn’t get perfection? Who doesn’t get the struggle between right and wrong? Good and evil? Heterosexuality and homosexuality? Who the fuck doesn’t get these battles that humans have struggled with since we crawled our way out of the primordial muck? Johnny Utah and Bodhi get this shit, man. (Okay, we had sex after the movie and it was good, but that doesn’t mean anything to me. It was really just the bourbon talking.) I can never ever see you again because you just don’t get it. I mean, yeah, you had a nice package, but how dare you insult and tarnish the good name of Point Break, you fool.—Anonymous

6 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  1. “Who doesn’t get the struggle between right and wrong? Good and evil? Heterosexuality and homosexuality?”

    Three comparisons two with choices between morally right and wrong and then it all goes to crap.

    Right = Good
    Wrong = Evil

    Which side are you saying heterosexuality and homosexuality lie on that spectrum? I always though they just were and neither was better or worse than the other.

  2. Wow you’re so deep you f*** him anyway just because he has a nice package, but you can never see him again because he doesn’t get Point Break? if anything this IA belongs on the DVD cover of a movie that actually, yes, sucks. You suck too but I’m sure you’ll have lots of fun with your DVD all alone.

  3. Velma and Aurelius: Is the word sarcasm lost on you?

    Velma: Beyond the obvious sarcasm, I don’t think the writer was implying that the struggle between hetero and homo is analogous to the struggle between good and bad. Just that these were both struggles that existed in the movie. Lighten the fuck up already.

  4. And what part of my comment did you not like? I’m just saying if you’re going to dump somebody over a movie then have the decency to not fuck them first.

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