It started out like any other shopping experience at Fred Meyer. I was finished with my shopping and had to return to yet another fun line to buy myself smokes. I was in line behind you as you railed at the customer service lady for God knows what, making sure all of us around you knew that you were so important. Yes, you are a cocksucker. You should get that on a shirt. Anyway, on my way out I realized I forgot cash. I headed over to the ATM and there you were again. Yay, another line. Finally you left. As I approached the ATM I heard beeping. The screen had a familiar prompt. “Would you like another transaction?” I pressed “yes,” then “balance inquiry.” Wow! You got some loot there, little man. I pressed “withdrawal” and then the $400 button. It all came out and I felt an unexpected surge of excitement. Thanks for the dough, ass wipe!—Anonymous
I, Anonymous
Crimes of Contempt
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Hope that time is prison is worth a shitty I, Anon.
exactly. smile for the camera dumbass. actually this ianon is prolly fake anyway.
Generally I enjoy the funny “I Anonymous” column, but you just printed someone committing a CRIME. That sucks! What if that money was all that that victim of theft had for their family’s FOOD FOR THE MONTH? You fuckin’ suck for printing that. If I hear some punk bragging that they did that, I’ll put ’em in a hold and call the COPS. Is that the best you can print? And at the same time you include leaflets about the “I am the 99%” folks who struggle every day? Bad call, folks….
I read this IA over a month ago. Nothing to post so they have to rehash old ones?
Well if this person WEREN’T actually arrested, then perhaps he call post here (anonymously, ofcourse) and gloat? No sign of that, yet…
No, no sign of that yet. Maybe we should encourage stuff like smoking, skating, house parties, street hip hop, bizarro sci fi stuff to see if we can summon in its purity that old conservative, lamenting, lost sad soul only to kick his/her ass back to limbo mambo hell where it belongs.
Also, today its 111111 , so am going to a witches brews, follow me onward good people. Blessings and vibes and all of the good stuff to all of you which post here and are kind.
People could probably confess to all kinds of petty crimes on I Anon with no consequences. (Disclaimer: this is not legal advice) What do you think the police are going to do, issue subpoenas the Portland Mercury over something like this? Lets have more true stories of mischief and less passive-aggressive complaining about every petty breach of etiquette under the sun.
anyone who has used a Chase Bank ATM (the only one you’d find at a Fred Meyers) knows that it prompts for your PIN between any and all types of transactions, including to check your balance. So this story is obviously bullshit. I don’t know which is more embarrassing, the fact that someone went to the trouble to conceive, write, and send it in for publishing, or the fact that the Mercury has printed it, more than once!
I thought you could only get $300 out at a time….
It’s a fake IA and a bad one at that. Who doesn’t send in troll submissions to IA?! I got a couple of my made up stories posted up and I get my lulz from reading your comments.
UMAD BRO?!
Maybe it’s someone’s fantasy. What a crappy fantasy. It should have more money and some sex to be a real revenge/karma story.
Jesus, you morons. Isn’t it completely obvious why they bother posting/printing a shitty month-old IA?
A) BECAUSE NO ONE READING THE PRINT EDITION WILL GIVE TWO SHITS AND B) BECAUSE YOU SAME 8 DUM DUMS WILL COME IN HERE AND YELL AT EACH OTHER AND THEN CHECK BACK ON YOUR STUPID DISCUSSIONS. YOU’RE THE PERFECT PAGEVIEW GENERATOR MACHINES, CONGRATULATIONS.
@Colin. OMG, you’re right. But make that 9 dum dums, cuz yours truly just haaaaad to say something.