I, Anonymous

Why do so many of you bastards insist on blocking the cream and
sugar counter every time I get a cup of coffee? Here are a few simple
guidelines for those of you too dim to figure out how to make room for
others: To the Anal Retentive: Do not block the counter while you “sip
test” your coffee 300 times to make sure it’s just right. It’s the same
cup of coffee you get every freaking day. Are you actually having a
problem remembering the recipe? Let me help you. Coffee, sugar, then
get the fuck out of the way. To the Socialite: Do not block the counter
while talking to your friends. Let me make your next conversation
unnecessary: Yes, your kids will love that trendy
gestalt-environmental-organic day school you have picked out for them,
but they’re going to be narcissistic, ill-mannered pricks like you
regardless. On the plus side, they will probably recycle. Now get the
fuck out of the way. To the Stoner: Do not block the counter while you
test every single lid to see which one fits. Choose a lid and just say
yes to getting the fuck out of the way.—Anonymous