To the asshole smoking at a packed dance night at the Holocene: How
did you manage to overlook the tell-tale signs of a non-smoking bar;
mainly the massive amount of smokers huddled outside in the rain or
stuffed in a tiny room, and the fact that no one else around you
was smoking? Here’s a hint: If you are in a hipster bar, and no one is
smoking, take a moment to think about why that might be. Either hell
just froze over or the space is non-smoking. Some of us asthmatic,
allergic types (not to mention those who prefer to remain lung-cancer
free, and not smell like ashtrays) make decisions to go out based on if
the bar is non-smoking. So, when someone nicely informed you of the
non-smoking policy, they were trying to help you look like less
of an asshole, politely telling you what the rest of us were thinking.
Your response? To get all up in their face. So, not only are you an
oblivious moron, you also clearly have some anger management issues.
Quite the winning personality you’ve got. It’ll go nicely with your
impending lung cancer.—Anonymous

13 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  1. Hmmmmm … tone down the judgemental, warp-drive holier than thou, anti-smoking thugster vibe, and you’re just left with the fact that some asshole smoked a cigarette inside in 2008. Yawn. Pass the chemotherapy.

  2. Oh good Lord….would it have been that difficult to just go over to him and politely ask him to put it out? You are nothing more than a passive-aggressive pussy (and NO, I do not smoke…I just hate whiners more than smokers. Whioners are that way by choice, smokers are actually addicted)

  6. The rogue smoker was kind of an asshole, but when I hear the words, “smell like an ashtray,” it sets off my bitching alarm. Have fun with that self-righteous no-cancer-for-me trip. You’re gonna die anyway, just like the rest of us. ; D

  7. I love this edition of “I, anonymous”, but would like to point out that it’s all going to be a moot point in less than three weeks when all bars will go smoke-free.

  8. Oh, get over yourself. Come January, no one in Oregon will be able to smoke ANYWHERE except outside, in the rain. As an ex-smoker, I don’t really care either way, but you just made me want light up and blow smoke in the faces of whiny pussies like you for the next two weeks.

  11. Yeah, because god knows when some jackhole is smoking in a non-smoking place, we should all lick his ballsack and implore him to put it out.

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