I’ve been single for a little over a year now, but it isn’t for a lack of trying; I’ve gone on too many dates to count. I don’t know if it’s due to the influx of transplants (I’m a transplant myself) or if maybe the Dream of the 90’s was all hype and Portland natives just weren’t all that cool to begin with. I’m looking for one in a million significant other, not a carbon copy of mundane, soul-less person. Here are the things I’m looking for in a person, and here are the things that I just cannot find in the people in this town:
Must love dogs! (Portland is a cat town, I guess)
Must love cheap beer and good whiskey!
Must love rock climbing, bike riding, yoga and water/snow sports. (No couch potatoes!)
Must love Salt N’ Straw, Son of a Biscuit, Little Big Burger and other local eateries. Yummy!
Must love outdoor concerts/festivals/events. (Let’s get out and mingle!)
Must love dressing up in crazy attire to shock people! (Let’s play!)
Must love tattoos! (I have plenty and plan on getting more!)
Must love dogs! (oops! I already wrote this, but I REALLY love my dogs!) <3
And last but not least: Must be weird!
Why is it so hard to find this one in a million person who loves to do the stuff listed above? Seriously, I cannot seem to find a type of person who meets this criteria. Perhaps my standards are too high? Maybe I’m too unique myself?
The search continues for this impossibly hard to find person… wish me luck, Portland! 🙂
This I/A hits on too many Portlandia cliches to be anything but troll-bait.
Totally fake. Or PandaPDX looking for love in all the wrong places…
^ If it were Panda, the rant would’ve also listed “Must be a homeowner” and “Must be a condescending self-righteous asshole.”
Dear I/anonie, no sweetie your expectations are not too high. In fact, you sound like a person that is under 18 years of age. A child in an adult’s body. This sounds like you think that right little garden ornament will come to life and sweep you off to Romance and Adventure. Awhhh yes, romance and adventure.
Totally fake troll bait.
That’s no Onion story. Hell, it ain’t even garlic.
I LOVE dogs! Actually, I don’t. Tattoos, biggest regret, except for the “Airport Hyatt incident”.
Yeah good luck not being single for a few more years with that fucking check off list. Just kidding. There must be lots of good souls to fill your bill. Are you sure there’s not three little criteria standards you’re omitting? Does this person have to look like a Greek God/Goddess, have a heart of gold and be a hot little slut that would do anything to please you? I’d say you’ve checked the million to one box then.
“You don’t have to have a car!” (Read: “Actually, yeah, you do.”)