THURSDAY, APRIL 17

8:00 CW SMALLVILLE

Lex learns a secret that could endanger his attempts at hair implantation.

9:00

NBC THE OFFICE

A model in an office-supply catalog makes Michael "feel things." Let's just leave it at that.

FRIDAY, APRIL 18

8:30 SCIFI DOCTOR WHO

Season premiere! The Doctor attempts to save the lives of an orbiting cruise ship (yay!) called the Titanic (ohhh...).

10:00 SCIFI BATTLESTAR GALACTICA

A major character is supposed to die in this episode. (Please let it be drippy Cally!)

SATURDAY, APRIL 19

9:00

ANI GROOMER HAS IT

The dog groomers compete in a "quick sniff" challenge. Sorry, but sniffing a dog's bottom cannot be quick enough.

SUNDAY, APRIL 20

8:00

VH1 CELEBRITY FIT CLUB

If you're the type of person who doesn't mind watching celebs swirl down the toilet—don't miss this show!

9:00

HBO JOHN ADAMS

Series finale! Let me guess... he dies, right?

MONDAY, APRIL 21

8:00 CW GOSSIP GIRL

Return! Blair shamefully returns to school after being dethroned as "Queen Bee." This never happened to Hitler.

10:00 MTV THE HILLS

As teen dramas go, it's no Third Reich.

TUESDAY, APRIL 22

9:00 CW REAPER

Sam's gay neighbors are actually demons who are planning to destroy him—with their quick rapier-like wit!

9:00

FOX HELL'S KITCHEN

Tonight's episode includes a pasta challenge, and more importantly, another contestant goes to the hospital!

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 23

8:00 CW AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

The models are thrilled to go to Italy, until they learn that Italians generally don't speak English.

10:30

COM LEWIS BLACK'S ROOT OF ALL EVIL

On this court parody show, comedians debate who is more evil: Kim Jong-il or Tila Tequila.